Today I have been feeling somewhat nostalgic and, yes, a little melancholy. Although it's technically still November (November 30) it is the first day of advent, the four Sundays preceding the celebration of the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. I remember when our children were still at home how I looked forward to those four Sunday evenings together when I could get away from the stresses of the holidays and focus on the real meaning of Christmas. It was a time when I could really feel those spiritual feelings that so easily escaped me during the busy week days as I struggled to get every other material need met for the family. Tonight I ached to have that same peaceful feeling that I had on those Advent Sundays years ago, but instead I find my mind racing with the thoughts of the things I still NEED to do and the things I would LIKE to before Christmas. The thought came to mind, "Why not?". Dad and I could spend these Sundays together reading about the Saviour. The New December issue of the Ensign is full of inspiring stories we could read together. We could turn off the lights and listen to Christmas music, and I could even make a Christmas dessert. Lighting a candle would be pushing it a bit with Jim. He was always a little paranoid about lighting candles in the house.
Today I put on some Christmas music and tonight we listened to a beautiful classical concert of three opera stars including Placido Domingo KCET. I know Jim doesn't particularly enjoy this kind of music, but he knows I do, and he made the sacrifice for me. As the concert concluded I felt it had set the mood (at least for me) to bring up the subject of spending the rest of the evening focused on the spirit of Christmas and of Christ even though I hadn't planned a special dessert. But when he began flipping through the channels to find something to watch and he picked "Monk" followed by the comment, "The Unit is on tonight", I knew it was over for me. He would probably have agreed to my suggestion, but I know he would have resented having to miss his favorite TV show and the spirit I wanted us both to feel would not be there.
It is sometimes difficult for me to understand how you can come home from church having been fed with spiritual food from the lessons, speakers, and partaking of the sacrament and then fill your home with violence, objectionable language and immorality coming from the TV. I just can't do it. So I find myself alone in my room on Sunday evenings reading or writing on this blog. I certainly don't want this to sound like a criticism of Jim. He is a wonderful loving person and is so good to me. I know he has a testimony of the gospel but just doesn't always see or feel things the way I do. And that's OK. But I have to be true to my own conscience.
So tonight after I finish this post I plan to play my Christmas music on my tape recorder here in my room, read the editorial in the December Ensign and from the scriptures as Jim did on those Advent Sundays, and maybe I'll even find a Christmas story that will make me cry. But I'll have to skip the dessert. Maybe next week.
I hope each of you, in your own way will make an effort to bring the spirit of Christmas into your own homes in whatever way it works for you. I know some of my children and grandchildren are celebrating Christmas this year by giving rather than receiving...a wonderful way to show your love of Christ and receive the spirit in your home. Maybe some of you are celebrating Advent with your children, or finding ways to include your children in sacrificing for others. Whatever you do, especially you moms, take time to rejuvenate your body and spirit by setting aside time to draw near to the Lord during this busy season. Ask yourself this question, "Does what I'm so busy doing really matter in the eternal scheme of things?" You'll find out that there are lot of things you can just let go.
My sweetheart just brought me in a cup of hot chocolate. How could you not just love that guy! Maybe I will go ask him to join me after all.
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3 comments:
Love this post Grandma!
Grandma I loved what you wrote. The funny thing, is that ever since I got married I have wanted to do advent and found it difficult. So this year with having Olivia (although very young), I decided I better start this tradition. I always loved it growing up. I have brought the idea up to Jason and he never fully understood what and why I wanted to do this tradition. But, this year I think he got it. Sunday morning I snuck a small gift into one of Jason's shoes and placed it in the window sill. When he noticed it, he got this huge smile on his face. Then Sunday night I decided for advent that we would light a candle and watched the Christmas devotional. Jason kind of snickered still finding this funny, but then Elder Utchdorf started his talk about advent and how they read christmas stories, listened to music and lit candles. All of a sudden Jason's attitude changed. He was excited and he rushed into the kitchen to make some hot chocolate for us to drink as we listened to the talks. Well, I think he is now going to be hooked.
mom,
you and dad need to invest in tivo. Then he will never have to miss his shows.
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