It had only been five short months since my mother had stood in the line at my wedding...only twenty short years that my mother had been part of my life, and a very long two months since I said good-bye for the last time at the airport. I didn't know it would be the last time because I already had in my mind that I would take my newborn to California to see her. I remember her getting on the airplane from a wheelchair with her oxygen tank in tow. She was excited because this would be her first ever flight in a plane, and she hoped that the lower altitude in California would prolong her life a little longer. And we, too, hoped that this would be the case. She so wanted to live at least a few years longer to get J.D. through those difficult teen years. But it was not to be. It was on October 10, 1954, that my dad called to tell me that Mom had passed away. I don't think it was by chance, but by divine intervention that her beloved doctor from Salt Lake just happened to be taking trip to California and stopped by to see her the day that she died. He was there to aid and comfort her. What a blessing. Mom was flown home for the funeral and burial. This was where she was born and spent her life. This was where her family and and life-long friends were. This is where she would have wanted to be laid to rest next to her father and younger brother who had drowned at the age of sixteen.
The next few months are a big blur in my life. Although I was aware of the fragile condition of my mother's health, it had been that way for many years and still, somehow, she had survived to the age of forty-five. But still that is so young to die. Her doctor who spoke at her funeral said that it had only been her strong will to live that had kept her alive ten years longer than he would have predicted. But still the reality of her death failed to "sink in". Are we ever really ready to lose those in our life whom we love so much even though we know it is inevitable? Did I say often enough how much I loved her? Did I express my gratitude for how much he taught me and all that she did for me in spite of being so sick? Did I really empathize with the difficulty of her life? Did I show the resentment that I felt at times because I had to do so much more than my friends to help her out? And what did I do for her on Mother's Day this last year? That haunted me the most because I realized that Mother's Day that year was the same weekend that we were married, and I wasn't even sure I remembered her special day. I don't remember even going to visit her. I've hated Mother's Day ever since because it brings back memories of forgetting my mom on the the last year she was on earth.
I was very concerned at this time for my brother and sister, Georgia. Georgia had only been in Hawaii for two days when she received the news about mom and immediately flew home. She was now in a turmoil as to what to do with her life now that all her plans had been disrupted. She moved in with Grandma Knapp and went back to work. But I really worried about J.D. who had moved into a small apartment with my dad. He was very close to Mom, and I could see the pain he was feeling. This was made worse by the fact that my dad began dating almost immediately after my mom died. I feel that it showed insensitivity to us children and to mom's family even though Mom had always said that she wanted him to marry again after her death. She loved Dad and didn't want him to be alone for the rest of his life knowing that her days were numbered. She even suggested that Teuntje Van de Merwe, a single immigrant from Holland and a close family friend, would make a good wife. But dating her so soon after Mom's death bothered us and I think was devastating to J.D. Teun, as we called her, was a good person and a hard worker, but she had never been married and would now have to take on a teenage son. She, like my dad, had the "Old Country" thinking when it came to raising children...very strict. "Do what I say when I say it and no arguing" was their philosophy, and I knew that would never work with a teenager. Mom had been very good at tempering this kind of attitude in my dad, but now there would be no restraint. I could see real trouble ahead for J.D....and there was.
Christmas came and it was the worst one of my life. I guess I never realized or at least I failed to realize that it was Mom who kept the family close, especially on the holidays. Nobody in the family stepped up to the plate and planned anything. On Christmas Eve I remember going to Grandma Knapp's apartment where my sister was. We just sat together wondering what to do and what to say, and ended up sharing how much we missed Mom and crying together. We tried to locate J.D. and Dad but they were not home. We assumed that they must be with Teun and her friends. What a miserable Christmas he must have been having. I'm not even sure that my dad got him anything that Christmas because once again it was Mom who took care of those things. And I'm sure Dad was a little preoccupied with other things like planning his upcoming marriage in January. That, too, had been a little depressing to all of us. We had tried to talk to Dad about waiting a little while longer, but he could see no reason for waiting. He told us that "This is what Mom wanted so why put it off." He just seemed oblivious to our feelings. Christmas day we spent with Jim's family, and that was a nice diversion from all the pain we were feeling.
Somehow we survived that Christmas with a resolve to never let this happen again. We would make sure that plans would be made to have the next one like Mom would have wanted. But now we would have to face the upcoming wedding with "happy for Dad" faces. Don't get me wrong, Teun was a great person. We really liked her. And we were happy that Dad would now have someone wait on him like he had waited on my mother and the family for all these years. And we knew that Teun would. Dad deserved that. And I truly believed that she loved him and was excited about getting married for the first time. But I know that she had expressed some concern that maybe it was too soon. In that way she was more sensitive than Dad. But my Dad was stubborn and would not listen to her either. So the wedding was on and our concern was now for my little brother.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Life With All Its' Challenges Goes On
Being "first time" pregnant is not easy for anyone, I'm sure. But being in the military made it even more challenging. There wasn't the comfort of a familiar family doctor or ob-gyn. There was just the impersonal and emotionally uninvolved doctor who had probably used the military as a way of financing his medical school and was now just "serving his time". And the medical facilities at the base weren't the greatest, either. I had a lot of questions that I was afraid to ask these young doctors who were never the same from visit to visit. My education on pregnancy and childbirth was pretty limited because that was something even mothers didn't talk much about to their daughters...at least not mine. The only thing I ever remember my mother telling (actually, just showing) me when I was in my early teens, was an article that Life Magazine that showed an actual birth. But the mother was so draped and covered with sheets that it was impossible to even tell where the baby was coming from. Mom didn't explain anything, but just asked if I had any questions. I answered, "no". I would have been too embarrassed to ask the questions that may have been on my mind. End of conversation! Schools didn't do much in the way of sex education or childbirth either, so you could say that I was pretty naive. I understood the basics, but not too many details. As an after thought, I don't think I did a very good job with my girls, either. It takes a generation or two of cultural and custom changes to improve communication of subjects once considered "Taboo". I do remember hearing my father say at one time, "All those things just come naturally. You don't have to worry about them." But I hated those first prenatal trips to the doctors at Hill Field.
Although we made frequently weekend trips to Salt Lake to see family, I never "dumped" on Mom with my personal discomforts or concerns, especially because her health was declining rapidly. I knew she would worry about me and it was all she could handle just to deal with her own challenges. Besides her own health there was concern for my fourteen year old brother, J.D. and my unmarried sister, Georgia, who was struggling with some major decisions in her life. In July, Mom and Dad decided to move to California hoping that the lower altitude with help Mom to breathe easier as she now had to be continually on oxygen. Dad was able to find a printing job in Inglewood, and a duplex was purchased there for them. Claire and her family moved into one side of the duplex to be close enough to help Mom. That was a real sacrifice she made, and I 'm sure Dad was very appreciative. Georgia moved in with Grandma Knapp because she didn't want to move to California, and in October she and a close friend decided to move to Hawaii for a "new adventure". They were hoping to find new jobs and new friends.
I felt really alone and abandoned at this time with all my immediate family moving away. My Grandma Knapp became my surrogate mom, and I found it easier to talk to her than it had been to talk to my mother. I think this may have been because Dad so protected Mom, even from us children for her health's sake. I'm sure that wouldn't have been mother's desire, and I'm sure she wasn't aware how many times Dad told us to "Stay away from Mom", or " Don't bother Mom. She needs her rest. " We did spend time with Jesse and Jean, and that also helped. It was during this time that I learned how to cook Mexican food even though very often on the way home Jim would have to stop the car so I could throw up. Mexican food and pregnancy just didn't mix well for me.
Uncle Ken (my Mom's brother) and Aunt Ina lived in Ogden at the time we were there. Uncle Ken was the administrator of the Dee Memorial Hospital there. They were very good to us, having us to dinner very often. It was Aunt Ina who taught me how to make orange rolls which has become a family favorite and Thanksgiving tradition. Uncle Ken tried to convince us to have out baby at his hospital instead of on base. I really would have like that, but it would have cost us $100 for a three day stay (customary time for childbirth) and that was a lot of money for us. It would cost us nothing at the base hospital. But we kept the idea in the back of our minds.
The next few months seemed to drag on. I was passed the morning sickness, but I wasn't working because I was battling the skin allergies that were worsening. I was back on cortisone cream and bathing in water with powdered oatmeal to help sooth the burning and itching. Treating these kinds of allergies was still kind of experimental. But it was fun looking at baby "things" in the stores, planning for what we would need, and saving money to buy these basic needs. I talked to Mom every week on the phone, and although he never complained, I could tell she wasn't doing so well. I was now five months pregnant, and I could tell she was sad that she would not be able to come and see the new baby when it was born. She loved her grandchildren (Claire now had three children), and I was glad that they were living close by. But I, too, felt sad that she would not be close by when my first child was born. Babies need Grandmas.
It was October 10, 1954, when I received that dreaded phone call from California.
Although we made frequently weekend trips to Salt Lake to see family, I never "dumped" on Mom with my personal discomforts or concerns, especially because her health was declining rapidly. I knew she would worry about me and it was all she could handle just to deal with her own challenges. Besides her own health there was concern for my fourteen year old brother, J.D. and my unmarried sister, Georgia, who was struggling with some major decisions in her life. In July, Mom and Dad decided to move to California hoping that the lower altitude with help Mom to breathe easier as she now had to be continually on oxygen. Dad was able to find a printing job in Inglewood, and a duplex was purchased there for them. Claire and her family moved into one side of the duplex to be close enough to help Mom. That was a real sacrifice she made, and I 'm sure Dad was very appreciative. Georgia moved in with Grandma Knapp because she didn't want to move to California, and in October she and a close friend decided to move to Hawaii for a "new adventure". They were hoping to find new jobs and new friends.
I felt really alone and abandoned at this time with all my immediate family moving away. My Grandma Knapp became my surrogate mom, and I found it easier to talk to her than it had been to talk to my mother. I think this may have been because Dad so protected Mom, even from us children for her health's sake. I'm sure that wouldn't have been mother's desire, and I'm sure she wasn't aware how many times Dad told us to "Stay away from Mom", or " Don't bother Mom. She needs her rest. " We did spend time with Jesse and Jean, and that also helped. It was during this time that I learned how to cook Mexican food even though very often on the way home Jim would have to stop the car so I could throw up. Mexican food and pregnancy just didn't mix well for me.
Uncle Ken (my Mom's brother) and Aunt Ina lived in Ogden at the time we were there. Uncle Ken was the administrator of the Dee Memorial Hospital there. They were very good to us, having us to dinner very often. It was Aunt Ina who taught me how to make orange rolls which has become a family favorite and Thanksgiving tradition. Uncle Ken tried to convince us to have out baby at his hospital instead of on base. I really would have like that, but it would have cost us $100 for a three day stay (customary time for childbirth) and that was a lot of money for us. It would cost us nothing at the base hospital. But we kept the idea in the back of our minds.
The next few months seemed to drag on. I was passed the morning sickness, but I wasn't working because I was battling the skin allergies that were worsening. I was back on cortisone cream and bathing in water with powdered oatmeal to help sooth the burning and itching. Treating these kinds of allergies was still kind of experimental. But it was fun looking at baby "things" in the stores, planning for what we would need, and saving money to buy these basic needs. I talked to Mom every week on the phone, and although he never complained, I could tell she wasn't doing so well. I was now five months pregnant, and I could tell she was sad that she would not be able to come and see the new baby when it was born. She loved her grandchildren (Claire now had three children), and I was glad that they were living close by. But I, too, felt sad that she would not be close by when my first child was born. Babies need Grandmas.
It was October 10, 1954, when I received that dreaded phone call from California.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Up and Down, Up and Down, oooops!
Beginning married life didn't come without challenges. Being there was no "breaking-in" time on a honeymoon we jumped right into a daily routine which began the week following our wedding. For Jim it was up at 6:00 A.M. in order to be at work at the base (Hill Air Force Base) by 7:00. Wanting to be the perfect wife, I, too, was up to fix him breakfast, pack him a lunch, and give him a kiss good-bye. Then it was "What am I going to fix for dinner?" This was one of by biggest concerns before I was even married. I really wasn't sure what Jim really liked, what he really didn't like, or what our limited food budget would permit. When I was living at home, our meals pretty much consisted of easy, inexpensive, and repetitive menus that my mom could prepare. My dad was pretty much a meat and potatoes man, and the meat was usually some form of hamburger. I wanted to impress my new husband with great meals that he would love...a challenge.
Then there was the challenge of laundering Jim's uniforms the way he liked. Most of the time he wore fatigues to work, but when he wore a uniform it had to be pressed military style...sharp creases in the pants and three evenly spaced creases down the back of the shirt. The uniform was made of a thick cotton fabric that was very difficult to iron in the first place. Just getting the wrinkles out was a challenge. But then I used a ruler to get those creases in the shirt just right. Jim has always been very conscientious about his appearance, and I have always been appreciative of that, but I didn't enjoy ironing those uniforms. But I understood that being a staff sergeant in charge of an electronics maintenance shop required him want to present a proper example to those who worked under him.
My next challenge: What to do with all the time I had on my hands alone at home every day. That problem wasn't hard to solve. I began looking for a job. I really didn't have to work because Jim's income was sufficient to pay the bills, especially since we were able to shop the discounted prices at the commissary and our medical care was part of the military benefits. But a little extra money would be nice to purchase some of the "wants" that we had. I found a job at JC Penney's operating an elevator. Yes, back then you couldn't just push a button and the elevator would go up or down and stop at the designated floor. A person actually had to use a hand control to operate the elevator and line it up exactly level with the floor where it stopped. I was paid the minimal wage of $.75 an hour. The job was a little boring and after month of going up and down and jerking at each floor (I was getting better) the constant motion all day long began to get to me and I began feeling sick to my stomach. I fought the feeling day after day by keeping my pocket full of dry crackers which I would try to eat inconspicuously while operating the elevator. The nausea got even worse and after throwing up on the elevator one day, I quit my job. As you have probably guessed by now, it wasn't motion sickness I was suffering; I was pregnant! The next three or four months were not fun for me. I was really sick and tired. Then to top it all off, the change of hormones in my body brought on a major episode of my skin allergies. What a way to begin a marriage!
Through this tough time, Jim was an absolute angel. He was so empathetic with my feeling so bad that he had the same nausea every morning right along with me. Seriously! Sometimes I would tell him that I felt fine when I was about to throw up just to keep him from getting sick. When he would go to work, I would run to the bathroom. Nights were better so we would go to an occasional movie, go for a drive, or just sit on the couch or lie in bed and listen to the radio. Although our apartment came furnished, it did not have television. TV was relatively new and not common in all households. My sister had bought my mom one while I was in college, but I did not have the opportunity to watch it much when I came home. But TV now would have been a nice diversion from listening night after night to: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. The Shadow knows". This was the famous introductory to the radio show "Shadow". Other shows we listened to were "Gunsmoke", "Dragnet", "Adventures of the Thin Man", "George Burns and Gracie Allen" (not one of our favorites), "The Green Hornet", "The Bing Crosby Show,"etc. We also got a little tired of hearing the same old musical hits of our day, "Open the Door, Richard", "Sh-Boom, Sh-Boom", "Sixteen Tons", "Earth Angel", "Cross Over the Bridge", "I'm Your Hoochie Coochie Man", played over and over on the music station. Soooo, we splurged and made our first major purchase of our marriage, a television set. Now we could watch the shows that made this period of time still called "The Golden Age of Television" or "Vaudeville TV many of the variety shows starred those who had become famous on the vaudeville stage. Now we were able to watch "The Red Skelton Show", "The Jack Benny Show", "Ted Mack's Original Amature Hour", "Arthur Godfrey", "Milton Berle", "Ed Sullivan", "Lawrence Welk", "George Gobel", "Perry Como", etc. I can hear you laughing now. Probably most of you have never even heard of half these people who had shows "way back then". But at least we didn't have to put blocks on any of the channels (all two or three of them), and it was a welcome change from radio. Life was good. We really were excited about becoming a family of three. AND planning meals was becoming easier.
Then there was the challenge of laundering Jim's uniforms the way he liked. Most of the time he wore fatigues to work, but when he wore a uniform it had to be pressed military style...sharp creases in the pants and three evenly spaced creases down the back of the shirt. The uniform was made of a thick cotton fabric that was very difficult to iron in the first place. Just getting the wrinkles out was a challenge. But then I used a ruler to get those creases in the shirt just right. Jim has always been very conscientious about his appearance, and I have always been appreciative of that, but I didn't enjoy ironing those uniforms. But I understood that being a staff sergeant in charge of an electronics maintenance shop required him want to present a proper example to those who worked under him.
My next challenge: What to do with all the time I had on my hands alone at home every day. That problem wasn't hard to solve. I began looking for a job. I really didn't have to work because Jim's income was sufficient to pay the bills, especially since we were able to shop the discounted prices at the commissary and our medical care was part of the military benefits. But a little extra money would be nice to purchase some of the "wants" that we had. I found a job at JC Penney's operating an elevator. Yes, back then you couldn't just push a button and the elevator would go up or down and stop at the designated floor. A person actually had to use a hand control to operate the elevator and line it up exactly level with the floor where it stopped. I was paid the minimal wage of $.75 an hour. The job was a little boring and after month of going up and down and jerking at each floor (I was getting better) the constant motion all day long began to get to me and I began feeling sick to my stomach. I fought the feeling day after day by keeping my pocket full of dry crackers which I would try to eat inconspicuously while operating the elevator. The nausea got even worse and after throwing up on the elevator one day, I quit my job. As you have probably guessed by now, it wasn't motion sickness I was suffering; I was pregnant! The next three or four months were not fun for me. I was really sick and tired. Then to top it all off, the change of hormones in my body brought on a major episode of my skin allergies. What a way to begin a marriage!
Through this tough time, Jim was an absolute angel. He was so empathetic with my feeling so bad that he had the same nausea every morning right along with me. Seriously! Sometimes I would tell him that I felt fine when I was about to throw up just to keep him from getting sick. When he would go to work, I would run to the bathroom. Nights were better so we would go to an occasional movie, go for a drive, or just sit on the couch or lie in bed and listen to the radio. Although our apartment came furnished, it did not have television. TV was relatively new and not common in all households. My sister had bought my mom one while I was in college, but I did not have the opportunity to watch it much when I came home. But TV now would have been a nice diversion from listening night after night to: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. The Shadow knows". This was the famous introductory to the radio show "Shadow". Other shows we listened to were "Gunsmoke", "Dragnet", "Adventures of the Thin Man", "George Burns and Gracie Allen" (not one of our favorites), "The Green Hornet", "The Bing Crosby Show,"etc. We also got a little tired of hearing the same old musical hits of our day, "Open the Door, Richard", "Sh-Boom, Sh-Boom", "Sixteen Tons", "Earth Angel", "Cross Over the Bridge", "I'm Your Hoochie Coochie Man", played over and over on the music station. Soooo, we splurged and made our first major purchase of our marriage, a television set. Now we could watch the shows that made this period of time still called "The Golden Age of Television" or "Vaudeville TV many of the variety shows starred those who had become famous on the vaudeville stage. Now we were able to watch "The Red Skelton Show", "The Jack Benny Show", "Ted Mack's Original Amature Hour", "Arthur Godfrey", "Milton Berle", "Ed Sullivan", "Lawrence Welk", "George Gobel", "Perry Como", etc. I can hear you laughing now. Probably most of you have never even heard of half these people who had shows "way back then". But at least we didn't have to put blocks on any of the channels (all two or three of them), and it was a welcome change from radio. Life was good. We really were excited about becoming a family of three. AND planning meals was becoming easier.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)