The Good, the Bad, and the Downright Ugly

The second semester of Jim's third year had just begun. He was enjoying this year because he was well into his major, electrical engineering. He was already familiar with much of the material he was now studying because of his four years of training and experience in the Air Force. However, of the 250 students who were accepted into the Electrical Engineering Department with Jim, less than 100 remained...and they were the very smart ones. So there was a lot of competition for grades. Only 63 actually graduated.

It was in February of that year (1957) that I woke up each morning not feeling too well. I was pretty familiar with that symptom, so when the doctor told me I was pregnant, I was not too surprised...just a little concerned about how we were going to pay for another baby. I was excited, too. Just the thought of God trusting me with another of his special spirits brought a lot of joy to my heart. And the most wonderful thing was that Jim was happy, too. He didn't seem concerned that another mouth to feed would be a burden. If he was, he surely didn't show it. He was more concerned that my breathing problems had become worse and felt it was time for me to see a specialist. Reluctantly, I agreed.

The news wasn't good. The doctor said he had never seen a nose as bad as mine. Not only did I have huge polyps in both nostrils, but the septum (the cartilage that separates the nostrils) had at some time been broken and was also preventing air from going through my nose. Surgery took care of both problems and for the first time that I could remember air could pass through my nose. It was the strangest feeling I had ever felt. It was as if I had holes in my head and air was rushing through. It took a while for me to get used to it. How we ever paid for that surgery I don't remember, but I only know it was worth it.

I was still recovering from the surgery when my little brother (not so little any more) came to us to see if he could borrow a small amount of money. He had graduated from high school and had been working during the summer so he could start college in the fall. He needed to register and pay his tuition, but he was short a little bit. You may wonder why he didn't go to my dad who, for sure, had more money than us. First of all, he hadn't had a very good relationship with Dad and Teun (his new wife) during those difficult teenage years and second, Dad was not big on higher education. He just didn't feel it was necessary if you were willing to work hard. And if you wanted an education...fine, but it would be with no help from him. On the other hand, Jim and I felt education was really important so we gave him the money. I don't have a clue how we came up with it, but we did. The result of that decision ruined the rest of my summer.

A few days after giving J.D. the money my dad called me. He was furious! He yelled at me, swore at me, and told me to mind my own business...which didn't include my brother. I was devastated and called Jim at work just sobbing. Jim tried to calm me down on the phone by assuring me that Dad didn't mean what he had said, but I could tell he was really upset. About an hour later my Dad called again, and all he said was, "Well, your husband just said I couldn't talk to you anymore, so this is the last time you'll hear from me." And he hung up. Now I was a basket case as I called Jim to find out what had happened. I sensed correctly that he had been upset by what I had told him. Actually, "upset" was too mild a word. He was downright angry, and even though he was only twenty-four years old at the time, he was ready to take on his father-in-law without hesitation. He had called my dad back and told him in no uncertain terms to never talk to me like that again. And if he called me again it had better be with an apology. Obviously when my dad called me again it definitely was not with an apology. It was "I'll never talk to you again." Even though it was quite a while before he did, I think on that day Dad acquired a lot of respect for Jim. Just to know that his daughter had a husband who would stand up for her and protect her had to be a comfort. I think it would have been a comfort to any father.



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