It's time to get out of the negative and return to my happy life. It's been a tough two months dealing with my depression problems, but I feel I am now out of that deep black hole that only you who have been there can understand. Have I learned from this experience? Of course. Although I know that clinical depression is an illness similar to diabetes in that both are caused by a lack of certain necessary chemicals in the body to make it function properly, I came to realize that I have to have better strategies for handling stress in my life. Life is not without stress, but since too much of it can trigger an onset of major depression in those of us who suffer with with this mental illness, we have to avoid what we can and learn to deal with it in better ways. That is what I am focusing on now, and it has helped. In thinking back over the last six months or so there has been constant stress with no "recovery" time that led to my melt down. There were Jim's two knee surgeries and recovery times, Christmas (always somewhat stressful but manageable, and fun, if by itself), taking care of grandchildren (a little stressful because I realize that I don't have the energy, patience, and joints that I used to have), Mother's Day, (I've already explained that) and the then the "straw" that finally broke the camel's back (an old cliche) ... being called as Young Women's secretary. I had no idea of the responsibilities this calling required nor was I familiar with the "new" Young Women's program. I hadn't worked in that organization since I was in my twenties. AND I had always said that a secretary was one position I hoped I would never have. I just do not like a lot of paper work . Now I was faced with a stack of forms I needed to sort through, new forms to create on the computer and a lot of neglected records to update. I think it was all the computer work that got to me most ... computers and I do not have a very good relationship. All of this stress brought a "MELT DOWN", the like of which I hadn't experienced in years. None of these things by themselves would have caused a problem. It was just that they all followed ... bang, bang ... one after another without any recovery time.
Okay, I said I was going back to the positive, and I can do that now. With the help of my Savior and some conscientious effort on my part I am out of that hole and doing just fine. I'm eating better, trying to get more exercise (the hardest part since I our pool closed), getting more sleep, changing my priorities, and learning new ways to better handle stress. And would you believe I actually love my new calling? Now that I'm better organized, have all the necessary forms on the computer so I just have to fill out and update them (I can do that without Jim's help) the burden I was feeling has been lifted. I've gotten to know all the girls personally, and they are really great! I'm beginning to feel less and less like a fish out of water. I have a lot more self confidence. And I feel the girls have accepted me ... maybe even like me. It feels wonderful.
It would be neglectful of me if I did not say how grateful I am to my wonderful eternal companion who was and is so patient and understanding when I have an episode like this. He is the one that takes a lot of abuse and neglect, but somehow stays calm, patient, supportive and loving. I love you, Jim.
My next blog, back to my life story, "Three Little Girls Welcome Home Their New Siblings".
Sorry for this long "sidetrack".
No comments:
Post a Comment