Saying good-bye to Huntington Beach

Random memories associated with our 2 years in Huntington Beach include:

* Being a "widow" with 6 kids much of the time

* Kathi's beginning love affair with guinea pigs & learning that they can't be left out in the

sun very long (especially if they are black)

* Young Jim's love affair with books (or most likely his love of competition)

* Debbie's continuing love of dancing and dancing lessons (she was getting good!) She even

gave lessons to the neighbor kids on our back patio.

* Jeanie's special friendship with Stephanie, our blind next door neighbor

* Rochelle, the quiet achiever in school, great reader and student, but not as competitive as

Jim.

* A little two-year-old boy on his seagull-decorated tricycle, dressed as a cricket, riding in

the 24th of July Primary celebration.

* A visit from my good friend, Irene Laycock, who came from Novato to do a

Primary workshop for our teachers.

* A trip back to Novato by myself to speak at a Primary workshop for her. I drove

all the way without getting lost. Those who know me know that that is a near miracle.

* Spending a lot of money buying our first encyclopedias, Childcraft, and Science Year books

We wanted our children to have good books available to help them with school work.

* Discovering that renters rarely take care of someone else's property. I'm talking about our

home back in Novato that we rented. When Jim drove there to check on it he found it a

wreck, so we decided to fix it up and put it on the market.

After two years in Huntington Beach, Jim received a change of responsibility at Hughes, and a transfer to the facility in Canoga Park. He would no longer be the director over field engineering which meant no more long-distance traveling ... Yea! He was made a supervisor over design requirements for missiles and missile launchers being used in the Vietnam war. So here we go again ... another move. But this time we had the hope that this move would be a permanent one.

Another Test of Faith

SUNDAY, AUGUST 29, 2010

I was not the only one to have a church leadership problem in Huntington Beach. I only include these negative experiences because I want anyone who reads this blog, especially my family, to know that we all have experiences in this life that could test our testimony of the truth if we let them. Priesthood leaders are not perfect. They make mistakes. But we can either let these weaknesses drive us away from Christ and His church or we can learn to be understanding, compassionate, and patient as we all grow in the gospel.

This was a challenge that Jim had while he was serving as Young Men's president. The incident took place at a fathers and sons outing where the traditional planned balloon fight was in progress. The boys and their leaders were all involved, having a great time when someone noticed that not a single member of the stake presidency was participating in the activity. Instead, they were all sitting and visiting in their nice dry trailer in which they had camped. The boys AND their leaders decided it was time for them to get a little wet like the the rest of them. Knowing Jim, I'm sure he was right there helping to make this decision. He has been known to throw the first balloon at any such event. But instead of balloons, they were waiting with buckets of water as they called out to the stake president in his camper. But it was his counselor that opened the door and stepped out. The Jim and his counselor let him have it with buckets of water and took off running. The not-so-happy counselor began chasing and yelling at them. As he ran, he stumbled and fell, bruising his pride. Now he was REALLY mad. He got up, stood in the bed of a nearby truck, and yelled at the boys, fathers and their leaders in not-so nice language that if anyone threw one more balloon that he would "beat them within an inch of their life." The boys were shocked at that response, as were the leaders, and most of them and their fathers packed up and went home. This annual fathers and sons camping experience was ruined.

It was a month or so later that Jim went in for his temple interview, and wouldn't you know, it was this counselor who did the interviewing. When he was asked if he had any bad feelings toward any priesthood leader, he responded that he had problems with him, the counselor, and he told him why. He told him that he thought his language and actions were unworthy of a stake priesthood leader. Not knowing what to do, the counselor sent him to see the Stake President.

It was at the next stake conference that is leader humbled himself enough to apologize to all the members of the stake, especially the boys, for his inappropriate behavior. Jim was able to raise his arm to sustain this man, and thereafter held no grudges. That was humbling for him as well.

As I said, we can learn from these kinds of experiences, or we can become bitter and resentful. But I choose to not let anyone, not even my priesthood leaders, destroy my testimony or drive me away from the Church. Christ is perfect and His church is true. That I cannot and will not deny for any reason. And I know Jim feels the same way.

Challenging Times

The two years we spent in Huntington Beach had some difficult times for me. I think the hardest part was having Jim gone so often on business/training trips. Some were in the states (Florida and Hawaii were two that I remember) but others were in the far east. I remember Florida and Hawaii because I really wanted to go with him. But there were always money concerns and where could I find anyone that would take on six kids for a week. I didn't even have the nerve to ask anyone. There were times like this that I missed having a mom.

The longest trip he took was to the far east with stops in Hawaii, the Philippines, Thailand and Vietnam where there were military bases. Hughes Aircraft Company made the aircraft-launched missiles and electronic counter measure equipment that were then being used in the Vietnamese War that was in progress at that time. Jim supervised about 50 men working for Hughes Aircraft Company who were stationed at various military bases to support that equipment. He went to all those bases to see that proper and adequate support was taking place. He came back with stories of being shot at and trying to sleep with mortars exploding all around him in Vietnam. Being on a "noncombatant" status didn't make any difference to the Vietcong. He was an American. He spent time in Thailand where he was able to attend a small branch one Sunday. When he walked in, he was immediately asked to speak. I think they were glad to have someone new to listen to that Sunday even without any preparation. That alone was a rewarding experience.

This trip lasted a LONG six weeks. The children and I really missed him and looked forward to his frequent letters. I know he was missing us, too, because if you know Jim, he doesn't write letters ... that is unless he has a REALLY good reason.

One other experience while living in Huntington Beach had a traumatic effect on me. Momories of that event still come back to haunt me at times. I guess it is because it was one of the few negative experiences I have ever had in a relationship with a church leader. In this case it happened to be our bishop. Any of you who know me know that I am an introver by nature, so it is very difficult for me to talk to those who are not really close, especially about any problem I may be dealing with. In this case I was struggling with whether or not to accept a calling that had been extended to me. I rarely had turned down any calling, but in this case I had some real concerns. I had been working in Primary since we arrived, and now I had been asked to be in the presidency. What bothered me was that I had six children, including a one-year-old, Jim was gone so much of the time, and I already seemed overwhelmed and stressed much of the time with all my current responsibilities. I just didn't feel like I could take on any more, and yet I felt guilty in not accepting the calling which came at a time when Jim was not there to counsel with me. I did talk to the counselor over Primary and he sugtgested that I talk to the Bishop. So I followed his which was a very difficult thing for me to do. In fact this was the first time I had ever gone to a bishop with a personal problem. I explained to him my situation and the struggle I was having knowing the right thing to do. Then came the answer from him that shook me so badly that I couldn't even respond, and that has had an effect on me to this day. His only response was, "I don't know what you want me to do about it. I can't play God!" It was SO not what I expected to hear from a bishop. I have never since talked to a bishop about any problem in my life, and I probably never will due to that experience. I need to add, that I know that we are all human and we all have bad days ... even leaders in the church. Unfortunately, we are all that God has to work with. It was a few years later that I saw on television that this bishop, who was an educator, had been arrested for child molestation. I now understand what a burden of guilt he must have been carrying during those years he was a bishop. No wonder he lacked the spirit that a bishop so desperately needs in carrying such a difficult load. By the way, I accepted the calling, and it was a rewarding experience.

More about Huntington Beach

Making new friends has always been difficult for me and caused some anxiety when we moved to Huntington Beach. But one neighbor who lived right next door became and instant friend. I wish I could remember her name. This is one of the most frustrating things about getting old ... memory loss. And it is names of people that seem to go first. Anyway, she was very special in today's world where personal or family isolation is the preference of many. She was the first to introduce herself and welcome us to the neighborhood. She was deaf so her speech was a little difficult to understand, but you surely couldn't misunderstand her friendliness and genuineness. Those didn't require words. She had a daughter, Stephanie, who was Jeanie's age and who was blind. Stephanie and Jeanie became best friends. They would walk to school together every day, and Jeanie was amazed at how little help she needed to navigate her way there and around the campus. The whole family learned so much from these special neighbors about overcoming challenges and being happy and productive in spite of difficulties. I will always remember that it was this neighbor who was first to be there to help with the children and bring in food when I got the worst case of the flu that I had ever had. And, of course, it was when Dad was away on a trip.

One special thing about about living in Huntington Beach was that we got lots of company. I wonder if that could have been because we lived very near Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, two big and popular amusement parks. We had friends come from Novato, and family from Utah. Of course, they were welcome to stay with us as long as they didn't mind sleeping on the couch or in sleeping bags on the floor. The children were always willing to give up their beds to company because they loved "camping out" on the floor or outside in a tent. And making this "sacrifice" often meant an invitation to one or more of the children to join the family on their excursions. This got a little too expensive for us because we refused to have company pay their expenses. And besides, how many times can you go to Disneyland before coming bored? Now that was a dumb question!

Jim's callings in the Church were first, Sunday School presidency, and second, Young Men's president. Working in the Sunday School was pretty routine, but working with the Young Men was a different story. Teenage youth come with a lot of their own challenges, but when you add trying to enforce church standards at their activities the difficulties are multiplied. The stake dances were the worst. Until Jim got involved, most of the adult leaders were afraid to follow church guidelines for fear the youth would stop coming to the dances. Because they had allowed loud and improper music, no dress code, and little or no security at the doors, there had been incidents of violence and even a stabbing. When the latter happened the dances were shut down. Enter Jim into the program!!! Those of you who know Jim (husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, friend, etc.) know that he has no problem dealing with unruly and uncooperative "kids". He has no problem enforcing rules and upholding standards. And he has no problem with not being popular or adored by the youth. He DOES have a problem with adults who are too weak to do what they know is right. With his influence and direction the dances were restored (with all standards and guidelines in place and enforced) and guess what? The kids actually attended in large numbers and there were no more serious problems.

Life was not all wonderful in Huntington Beach. It seems that no matter where you go in this world and in this life, there will always be challenges and difficulties. That is just a part of life ... but an important part. What we learn from life's experiences and how we apply what we learn, determines how much we grow and progress along the road to eternal happiness. And that is what our goal should be. In the end, that is all that really matters.

Huntington Beach

The move to Huntington Beach was as uneventful as a move can be. The children were young enough not to be inseparably attached to friends. They adjust easily to new circumstances and make new friends pretty easily. It was not so easy for me. I am, by nature, not an outgoing person, and it takes me a while to make friends. It seems that when I do begin establishing some close relationships, we move. In Novato it was Lorna Burdette, Irene Laycock, Betty Schmidt and our neighbor, Wanda Dunn, that had become those close friends. It was hard to leave and start all over. I have often wished that I could be like those little children who immediately attach themselves to others their own age. Another difficult thing for me was that we had to leave Prince behind with a friend because we failed to ask our new landlord if we could have a dog. We did get permission for an "outside" dog which Prince was, and we had him flown to L.A. Boy, was he glad to see his family when we picked him up at the airport!

That fall, the five older children started school. It was so convenient for me that all of them were able to walk the short distance to the local elementary school. Jeanie was in sixth grade, Debbie in fifth, Kathi in third and the twins in first. The school was pretty progressive for which we were pleased. I was especially happy with the stress that was put on reading in the first grade. The children were challenged to read as many books that they could that first year, and I wasn't surprised that Jim took up the challenge and read the most books in the whole first grade. He has always been very competitive. I don't remember how many books he read (or how many trips we took to the library) but it was a LOT!!

Huntington Beach was a fast growing new community and the Church had not been able to keep up with growth. We did have a stake in the area with five wards but only one building. That was interesting! Four wards met in that building, and one met in a rented warehouse. I was called almost immediately into the Primary, teaching one of the three Merry Miss girl's classes (9 to 12-year olds). At the time Primary was held on a weekday after school which meant I had to take baby Jon with me. The older five children were all in Primary classes, Jeanie in her last year. It wasn't unusual on Wednesday to load up the VW bus with 12 to 15 children to take them to the church because many of the children didn't have rides. I'm sure it wasn't too safe, but not against the law because there were now seat belt laws. As long as all the children were able to sit, it was legal. And you could pack a lot of little children onto three rows of seats.

One of the positive things that came out of that calling was that I learned to knit. Knitting, crocheting and simple embroidery were part of the Merry Miss program. I could crochet and embroider, but I had never learned to knit. One of the other teachers taught me simple knit and pearl before I had to t each the girls, and I even made Rochelle a little pink sweater - the one and only thing I ever knit.

Going to the beach was one of the favorite things to do in the summertime. All of the kids loved it, and it was one of the things that we could do on the spur of the moment since we were only about five minutes away. It wasn't unusual for daddy to come to an empty house, but he always knew where he could find us. However, Dad traveled a lot with his new position at work, so going to beach also killed a lot of lonely time. AND I could get by with just fixing Mac and Cheese for the children for dinner, so we could stay longer. More of Dad's travels later.

So went our first year in Huntington Beach. We loved the community, and we had some great neighbors, which helped a lot when Dad was gone. More of Huntington each in my next blog.

A New Adventure Begins

It's been three or four blogs back that I introduced our "miracle baby", Jon. Every new baby is truly a miracle, but Jon was a special gift that I never expected. We were happy for another boy so that Jim would now have a brother to play "boy" things with, even if he was five years younger. Sisters are great, but four of them (three of them older) can be a little uncooperative when a guy wants to play cars, or cowboys, or guns. And they can be a little unforgiving when teased with lizard, or spider, or snake. When Jon got older, the two boys became "buds".

That summer after Jon was born my hubby was transferred back to Hughes Company home base in Los Angeles. He was still in the field engineering department but now he was made the technical advisor for all field engineers. If any of them had technical problems or questions, Jim was the contact to solve them. The move meant we would have to sell the house and make a trip to L.A. to find a new place to live. Even though Jon was still nursing, we decided to say a prayer, take a one-day flight to Huntington Beach, the city we had decided would be a good place to live even though it meant a 35 mile commute for Jim to his office near the Los Angeles Airport. At that time Huntington Beach was a developing beach community away from the busy, congested city ... a nice place to relocate our family.

We divided our six children, including baby Jon, among willing friends and headed for L.A.

We knew we had only one day to find a place to live, and thanks to answered prayers, we did.

It was a three bedroom house on a quiet cul-de-sac, a rock's through from both the elementary and middle schools, and only five miles from the beach. PERFECT!!! We headed back to Novato late that same afternoon, arriving home that evening. Having been gone all day, I was miserable. Any of you that have nursed a baby know what I mean. But we had accomplished what we set out to do, and now for the jobs of selling the house and packing up.

We were unable to sell the house, so we had to rent it out ... not something that we really wanted to do. We had heard horror stories of what renters can do to a home, and in our case those stories became our personal experience. We made the mistake of renting to a couple who had a dog, a big dog. They assured us that he was an "outside" dog only and I was naive enough to believe them. I have always been a very trusting person, and even though I have been bitten a few times I still prefer to think the best of people. And more times than not, I'm not disappointed. More about this later.

It was hard to leave Novato. We, as well as the children, had made lots of good friends and had felt so at home. This was where most of our older children began school. This was where we had purchased our first home, this was where we had established some important family practices ... Family Home Evening, Advent, and taking time to appreciate nature. This was where Prince became a part of our family, where we helped build a new temple and expand a meetinghouse, and this was where our miracle son was born. But we knew that more valuable experiences lay ahead of us. It really doesn't matter where you live in this life. It's a matter of living a good life, and doing whatever the Lord has in mind for you at the time. I knew what the Lord expected of me, "to raise and exemplary family", and I could work at that no matter where we lived.

Easter Reflections

Today is Easter Sunday ... a day of feeling love and appreciation for our beloved Savior and His great sacrifice for me and all of His children. And today has been a day of reflection for me regarding my own life. Have I adequately shown my love and gratitude to Him by the life I live each day? Have I sacrificed enough? Served enough? Do I love all of His children enough? Am I obedient to His commandments and do I follow the counsel of His chosen church leaders with exactness? I'm afraid I fall way short of my potential. I think most of us do. But tonight as I lie in bed I will be making new commitments and setting new goals to do better in areas that I know I am weak.

Today was also the general conference of the church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) which we were able to watch at home on the television. I kind of missed going to church at first. Church is where everyone goes on Easter. Right? But it didn't take long for me to feel a wonderful spiritual feeling right here in my own home as I listened to apostles, and prophets bear testimony of the atonement and resurrection and to give us great messages of love, hope, and peace. The messages of these chosen leaders of Christ's church have helped me to realize how blessed I am and how important it is for all of us to become more Christlike in our thoughts and actions. I also felt impressed by the warnings and counsel given, especially to parents, concerning the dangers and challenges of raising children in today's world, and how important it is that continual teaching of the gospel, love of the Savior, and power of the Holy Ghost go on in our homes. That is what will save our children. I could only hope and pray that all of the young parents in my family were listening and will follow that counsel. It is not only important, it is critical!

As you can tell by the previous few paragraphs, the last time I wrote on this blog was on Easter, almost a month ago. There was even a greater "dry spell" before that as my computer was "down" and had to be repaired. Thanks to Carrie, my youngest daughter, it was able to be repaired rather than be replaced as I initially was told. I can't remember why I never completed the blog that I started on Easter (I have to blame that on getting old), but I know that this last month as been very busy for me with Young Women activities. Because our YW president's mother passed away, a counselor was called to teach seminary, and the other counselor just had a new baby, I had to fill a bunch of slots all at once. What I did would have been a piece of cake for most of you "young'uns", but for me it was a challenge. I just don't have the energy that I used to have, and that is so frustrating. Our youth went on a pioneer trek this weekend for youth conference and I have been helping with costumes for all of the girls this week. We helped them all make bonnets and aprons. They will be coming home tonight.

I am sorry to have gotten so far behind in writing, and I know that have been kind of rambling on now. I promise to get back to my story this week ... well, maybe next week as I am going to Washington this week to visit my son and his family. This son is Jon, my "miracle baby", who is now forty "something", married, and the father of four children. When I return to my story again, I will have more miracles to tell.