Challenging Times

The two years we spent in Huntington Beach had some difficult times for me. I think the hardest part was having Jim gone so often on business/training trips. Some were in the states (Florida and Hawaii were two that I remember) but others were in the far east. I remember Florida and Hawaii because I really wanted to go with him. But there were always money concerns and where could I find anyone that would take on six kids for a week. I didn't even have the nerve to ask anyone. There were times like this that I missed having a mom.

The longest trip he took was to the far east with stops in Hawaii, the Philippines, Thailand and Vietnam where there were military bases. Hughes Aircraft Company made the aircraft-launched missiles and electronic counter measure equipment that were then being used in the Vietnamese War that was in progress at that time. Jim supervised about 50 men working for Hughes Aircraft Company who were stationed at various military bases to support that equipment. He went to all those bases to see that proper and adequate support was taking place. He came back with stories of being shot at and trying to sleep with mortars exploding all around him in Vietnam. Being on a "noncombatant" status didn't make any difference to the Vietcong. He was an American. He spent time in Thailand where he was able to attend a small branch one Sunday. When he walked in, he was immediately asked to speak. I think they were glad to have someone new to listen to that Sunday even without any preparation. That alone was a rewarding experience.

This trip lasted a LONG six weeks. The children and I really missed him and looked forward to his frequent letters. I know he was missing us, too, because if you know Jim, he doesn't write letters ... that is unless he has a REALLY good reason.

One other experience while living in Huntington Beach had a traumatic effect on me. Momories of that event still come back to haunt me at times. I guess it is because it was one of the few negative experiences I have ever had in a relationship with a church leader. In this case it happened to be our bishop. Any of you who know me know that I am an introver by nature, so it is very difficult for me to talk to those who are not really close, especially about any problem I may be dealing with. In this case I was struggling with whether or not to accept a calling that had been extended to me. I rarely had turned down any calling, but in this case I had some real concerns. I had been working in Primary since we arrived, and now I had been asked to be in the presidency. What bothered me was that I had six children, including a one-year-old, Jim was gone so much of the time, and I already seemed overwhelmed and stressed much of the time with all my current responsibilities. I just didn't feel like I could take on any more, and yet I felt guilty in not accepting the calling which came at a time when Jim was not there to counsel with me. I did talk to the counselor over Primary and he sugtgested that I talk to the Bishop. So I followed his which was a very difficult thing for me to do. In fact this was the first time I had ever gone to a bishop with a personal problem. I explained to him my situation and the struggle I was having knowing the right thing to do. Then came the answer from him that shook me so badly that I couldn't even respond, and that has had an effect on me to this day. His only response was, "I don't know what you want me to do about it. I can't play God!" It was SO not what I expected to hear from a bishop. I have never since talked to a bishop about any problem in my life, and I probably never will due to that experience. I need to add, that I know that we are all human and we all have bad days ... even leaders in the church. Unfortunately, we are all that God has to work with. It was a few years later that I saw on television that this bishop, who was an educator, had been arrested for child molestation. I now understand what a burden of guilt he must have been carrying during those years he was a bishop. No wonder he lacked the spirit that a bishop so desperately needs in carrying such a difficult load. By the way, I accepted the calling, and it was a rewarding experience.

More about Huntington Beach

Making new friends has always been difficult for me and caused some anxiety when we moved to Huntington Beach. But one neighbor who lived right next door became and instant friend. I wish I could remember her name. This is one of the most frustrating things about getting old ... memory loss. And it is names of people that seem to go first. Anyway, she was very special in today's world where personal or family isolation is the preference of many. She was the first to introduce herself and welcome us to the neighborhood. She was deaf so her speech was a little difficult to understand, but you surely couldn't misunderstand her friendliness and genuineness. Those didn't require words. She had a daughter, Stephanie, who was Jeanie's age and who was blind. Stephanie and Jeanie became best friends. They would walk to school together every day, and Jeanie was amazed at how little help she needed to navigate her way there and around the campus. The whole family learned so much from these special neighbors about overcoming challenges and being happy and productive in spite of difficulties. I will always remember that it was this neighbor who was first to be there to help with the children and bring in food when I got the worst case of the flu that I had ever had. And, of course, it was when Dad was away on a trip.

One special thing about about living in Huntington Beach was that we got lots of company. I wonder if that could have been because we lived very near Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, two big and popular amusement parks. We had friends come from Novato, and family from Utah. Of course, they were welcome to stay with us as long as they didn't mind sleeping on the couch or in sleeping bags on the floor. The children were always willing to give up their beds to company because they loved "camping out" on the floor or outside in a tent. And making this "sacrifice" often meant an invitation to one or more of the children to join the family on their excursions. This got a little too expensive for us because we refused to have company pay their expenses. And besides, how many times can you go to Disneyland before coming bored? Now that was a dumb question!

Jim's callings in the Church were first, Sunday School presidency, and second, Young Men's president. Working in the Sunday School was pretty routine, but working with the Young Men was a different story. Teenage youth come with a lot of their own challenges, but when you add trying to enforce church standards at their activities the difficulties are multiplied. The stake dances were the worst. Until Jim got involved, most of the adult leaders were afraid to follow church guidelines for fear the youth would stop coming to the dances. Because they had allowed loud and improper music, no dress code, and little or no security at the doors, there had been incidents of violence and even a stabbing. When the latter happened the dances were shut down. Enter Jim into the program!!! Those of you who know Jim (husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, friend, etc.) know that he has no problem dealing with unruly and uncooperative "kids". He has no problem enforcing rules and upholding standards. And he has no problem with not being popular or adored by the youth. He DOES have a problem with adults who are too weak to do what they know is right. With his influence and direction the dances were restored (with all standards and guidelines in place and enforced) and guess what? The kids actually attended in large numbers and there were no more serious problems.

Life was not all wonderful in Huntington Beach. It seems that no matter where you go in this world and in this life, there will always be challenges and difficulties. That is just a part of life ... but an important part. What we learn from life's experiences and how we apply what we learn, determines how much we grow and progress along the road to eternal happiness. And that is what our goal should be. In the end, that is all that really matters.

Huntington Beach

The move to Huntington Beach was as uneventful as a move can be. The children were young enough not to be inseparably attached to friends. They adjust easily to new circumstances and make new friends pretty easily. It was not so easy for me. I am, by nature, not an outgoing person, and it takes me a while to make friends. It seems that when I do begin establishing some close relationships, we move. In Novato it was Lorna Burdette, Irene Laycock, Betty Schmidt and our neighbor, Wanda Dunn, that had become those close friends. It was hard to leave and start all over. I have often wished that I could be like those little children who immediately attach themselves to others their own age. Another difficult thing for me was that we had to leave Prince behind with a friend because we failed to ask our new landlord if we could have a dog. We did get permission for an "outside" dog which Prince was, and we had him flown to L.A. Boy, was he glad to see his family when we picked him up at the airport!

That fall, the five older children started school. It was so convenient for me that all of them were able to walk the short distance to the local elementary school. Jeanie was in sixth grade, Debbie in fifth, Kathi in third and the twins in first. The school was pretty progressive for which we were pleased. I was especially happy with the stress that was put on reading in the first grade. The children were challenged to read as many books that they could that first year, and I wasn't surprised that Jim took up the challenge and read the most books in the whole first grade. He has always been very competitive. I don't remember how many books he read (or how many trips we took to the library) but it was a LOT!!

Huntington Beach was a fast growing new community and the Church had not been able to keep up with growth. We did have a stake in the area with five wards but only one building. That was interesting! Four wards met in that building, and one met in a rented warehouse. I was called almost immediately into the Primary, teaching one of the three Merry Miss girl's classes (9 to 12-year olds). At the time Primary was held on a weekday after school which meant I had to take baby Jon with me. The older five children were all in Primary classes, Jeanie in her last year. It wasn't unusual on Wednesday to load up the VW bus with 12 to 15 children to take them to the church because many of the children didn't have rides. I'm sure it wasn't too safe, but not against the law because there were now seat belt laws. As long as all the children were able to sit, it was legal. And you could pack a lot of little children onto three rows of seats.

One of the positive things that came out of that calling was that I learned to knit. Knitting, crocheting and simple embroidery were part of the Merry Miss program. I could crochet and embroider, but I had never learned to knit. One of the other teachers taught me simple knit and pearl before I had to t each the girls, and I even made Rochelle a little pink sweater - the one and only thing I ever knit.

Going to the beach was one of the favorite things to do in the summertime. All of the kids loved it, and it was one of the things that we could do on the spur of the moment since we were only about five minutes away. It wasn't unusual for daddy to come to an empty house, but he always knew where he could find us. However, Dad traveled a lot with his new position at work, so going to beach also killed a lot of lonely time. AND I could get by with just fixing Mac and Cheese for the children for dinner, so we could stay longer. More of Dad's travels later.

So went our first year in Huntington Beach. We loved the community, and we had some great neighbors, which helped a lot when Dad was gone. More of Huntington each in my next blog.

A New Adventure Begins

It's been three or four blogs back that I introduced our "miracle baby", Jon. Every new baby is truly a miracle, but Jon was a special gift that I never expected. We were happy for another boy so that Jim would now have a brother to play "boy" things with, even if he was five years younger. Sisters are great, but four of them (three of them older) can be a little uncooperative when a guy wants to play cars, or cowboys, or guns. And they can be a little unforgiving when teased with lizard, or spider, or snake. When Jon got older, the two boys became "buds".

That summer after Jon was born my hubby was transferred back to Hughes Company home base in Los Angeles. He was still in the field engineering department but now he was made the technical advisor for all field engineers. If any of them had technical problems or questions, Jim was the contact to solve them. The move meant we would have to sell the house and make a trip to L.A. to find a new place to live. Even though Jon was still nursing, we decided to say a prayer, take a one-day flight to Huntington Beach, the city we had decided would be a good place to live even though it meant a 35 mile commute for Jim to his office near the Los Angeles Airport. At that time Huntington Beach was a developing beach community away from the busy, congested city ... a nice place to relocate our family.

We divided our six children, including baby Jon, among willing friends and headed for L.A.

We knew we had only one day to find a place to live, and thanks to answered prayers, we did.

It was a three bedroom house on a quiet cul-de-sac, a rock's through from both the elementary and middle schools, and only five miles from the beach. PERFECT!!! We headed back to Novato late that same afternoon, arriving home that evening. Having been gone all day, I was miserable. Any of you that have nursed a baby know what I mean. But we had accomplished what we set out to do, and now for the jobs of selling the house and packing up.

We were unable to sell the house, so we had to rent it out ... not something that we really wanted to do. We had heard horror stories of what renters can do to a home, and in our case those stories became our personal experience. We made the mistake of renting to a couple who had a dog, a big dog. They assured us that he was an "outside" dog only and I was naive enough to believe them. I have always been a very trusting person, and even though I have been bitten a few times I still prefer to think the best of people. And more times than not, I'm not disappointed. More about this later.

It was hard to leave Novato. We, as well as the children, had made lots of good friends and had felt so at home. This was where most of our older children began school. This was where we had purchased our first home, this was where we had established some important family practices ... Family Home Evening, Advent, and taking time to appreciate nature. This was where Prince became a part of our family, where we helped build a new temple and expand a meetinghouse, and this was where our miracle son was born. But we knew that more valuable experiences lay ahead of us. It really doesn't matter where you live in this life. It's a matter of living a good life, and doing whatever the Lord has in mind for you at the time. I knew what the Lord expected of me, "to raise and exemplary family", and I could work at that no matter where we lived.

Easter Reflections

Today is Easter Sunday ... a day of feeling love and appreciation for our beloved Savior and His great sacrifice for me and all of His children. And today has been a day of reflection for me regarding my own life. Have I adequately shown my love and gratitude to Him by the life I live each day? Have I sacrificed enough? Served enough? Do I love all of His children enough? Am I obedient to His commandments and do I follow the counsel of His chosen church leaders with exactness? I'm afraid I fall way short of my potential. I think most of us do. But tonight as I lie in bed I will be making new commitments and setting new goals to do better in areas that I know I am weak.

Today was also the general conference of the church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) which we were able to watch at home on the television. I kind of missed going to church at first. Church is where everyone goes on Easter. Right? But it didn't take long for me to feel a wonderful spiritual feeling right here in my own home as I listened to apostles, and prophets bear testimony of the atonement and resurrection and to give us great messages of love, hope, and peace. The messages of these chosen leaders of Christ's church have helped me to realize how blessed I am and how important it is for all of us to become more Christlike in our thoughts and actions. I also felt impressed by the warnings and counsel given, especially to parents, concerning the dangers and challenges of raising children in today's world, and how important it is that continual teaching of the gospel, love of the Savior, and power of the Holy Ghost go on in our homes. That is what will save our children. I could only hope and pray that all of the young parents in my family were listening and will follow that counsel. It is not only important, it is critical!

As you can tell by the previous few paragraphs, the last time I wrote on this blog was on Easter, almost a month ago. There was even a greater "dry spell" before that as my computer was "down" and had to be repaired. Thanks to Carrie, my youngest daughter, it was able to be repaired rather than be replaced as I initially was told. I can't remember why I never completed the blog that I started on Easter (I have to blame that on getting old), but I know that this last month as been very busy for me with Young Women activities. Because our YW president's mother passed away, a counselor was called to teach seminary, and the other counselor just had a new baby, I had to fill a bunch of slots all at once. What I did would have been a piece of cake for most of you "young'uns", but for me it was a challenge. I just don't have the energy that I used to have, and that is so frustrating. Our youth went on a pioneer trek this weekend for youth conference and I have been helping with costumes for all of the girls this week. We helped them all make bonnets and aprons. They will be coming home tonight.

I am sorry to have gotten so far behind in writing, and I know that have been kind of rambling on now. I promise to get back to my story this week ... well, maybe next week as I am going to Washington this week to visit my son and his family. This son is Jon, my "miracle baby", who is now forty "something", married, and the father of four children. When I return to my story again, I will have more miracles to tell.

Sacrifice Brings Forth the Blessings of Heaven

I took time off from writing my story to reflect on this past year's Christmas experience and to share one of the lessons in life that I'm slowly beginning to learn after nearly fifty-five years of motherhood - taking time to enjoy the beautiful world Heavenly Father has placed us all in. Now I need to get back to my life after our "miracle" baby was born.

Jon was a beautiful blond baby with my eyes (hazel). It seemed funny to me that only the boys got my eyes. Except for Jeanie's blue ones, all the rest had their dad's brown. Some people had trouble seeing the beauty in that little one because of those eyes. They were both crossed. At first we thought that since a lot of new babies have trouble controlling eye movement that in time his would also become normal in time. But not so. They remained crossed. That far-sighted cross was prevalent trait in my family. My sister, Georgia, had eye surgery for this same problem when she was young, and Jeanie's one eye began to cross when she was about six and beginning to read a lot. Glasses solved her problem. We didn't worry too much about this problem with Jon, because we knew it could be corrected. And my mother love for that little guy soon erased the very presence of any defect. He was perfect in my mind.

Although the following experiences occurred before Jon's birth, I just remembered several more experiences while we lived in Novato that I would like to mention before I continue on because it would be just a few short months before we leave our home for our next adventure. It was probably after only a few months of living in Novato that my large upper molars began to crack and crumble in my mouth. This was a hereditary defect in my family. Both of my parents lost all their teeth in their thirties because of this problem. For them there was nothing else they could do but have them pulled. Although there was new technology that could have saved my teeth, at least for a while, it was very expensive. It required capping each cracked tooth before it crumbled. It would have cost about $500 a tooth, and we just didn't have that kind of money. It was much cheaper to just have them all pulled. And besides, I remembered my dad always saying that his dentures were a lot better than is original teeth, so I felt, "What the heck". Just pull them and that will end the problem. It wasn't hard for the dentist to pull the back teeth, but it just killed him to pull my still good front ones. That was hard for me, too. But going without teeth for a couple of weeks while new ones were being made was even harder. In some ways I have regretted that somehow we didn't find a way to come up with the money to save my teeth. Dentures are NOT better than your own. My dad lied. I never looked the same again.

Some of the older children may remember this next experience. It was announced in church one Sunday that a new temple was to be built in Oakland. Back then it was up to the members of the church in the surrounding area to raise half the funds to build a new temple. Each family was asked to pledge what they could towards the temple building fund. We were asked to not just give what we thought we could afford, but to receive even greater blessings by sacrificing to contribute. We looked at our budget to see where we could cut. The only flexible area where we felt we could make cuts was the food. We ate a lot of beans and rice the next year, but were able to meet our commitment. The children were very good not to complain when we reminded them that we were making Heavenly Father very happy by helping to build a temple where He could come. Were we blessed? Absolutely! Can I tell you of some miracle money that dropped in our laps, or that somehow we had enough money to eat the way we had in the past? No. But we were able to meet all of our financial responsibilities without going into debt and we never went hungry. But it wasn't until much later that we realized that years of making financial sacrifice for the Lord and paying an honest tithing resulted in a blessing that we would never have thought of or imagined.

Smell the Roses

I just had to write this morning even though I was committed to getting my much-needed housework done today. I know I promised in my last blog to continue on where I left off on my history way back in November after taking time to reflect on my Christmas experience. But today as I sat eating breakfast and watching the birds out my kitchen window another "reflection" flooded my brain, and I just can't ignore it.

Before Christmas, my husband came to me and asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" He continued, "I mean is there something you would REALLY, REALLY like but would never ask for?" I know he was waiting for me to confess to wanting some pricey, impractical, or selfish gift, which I could tell he was willing to provide no matter what the cost or sacrifice. I think I totally took him by surprise when I said, "Yes. I would REALLY, REALLY like a bird feeder." I think he was about as surprised as when I asked him for tree for the backyard on my birthday.

You see, previously I had a little rose garden and fountain in the back yard which attracted the birds. I would watch out the kitchen window while eating breakfast and see the birds taking a bath and getting a drink in the fountain. The tree was an additional attraction for the birds when it was planted. Now that winter had brought snow and ice to Tehachapi, the fountain froze over and the birds disappeared. I thought a bird feeder would bring them back. I realized how much I missed watching those birds each morning.

Jim responded to my request by building me a bird feeder. That made this gift even more special to me. It was awesome!! He even provided me with twenty-five pounds of bird seed. The feeder did the trick. The birds returned in droves ... or I guess I should say "flocks". I broke the ice off the fountain each day that it formed so the birds could still drink and bathe. I had my birds back!

Now what does this all have to do with this morning's "brain dump"? Like I said, I was sitting there at the bar (kitchen bar), cereal bowl empty, and watching my birds. My mind was focused on the increasing number of birds that were showing up daily. This morning, for the first time, there was a beautiful new bird. It was larger than the rest with a black head, red breast, and black and white wings and tail. Its' mate with the same but subdued colors was also there. I just sat and watched for I don't know how long when all of a sudden I nearly screamed to myself, "What are you doing?" You've got so much to do today; why are you wasting your time?" That's when the reflection came. Wasn't it just a few months back, after my mini stroke, that I promised myself I would take time to "smell the roses"? Life is just to short to pass up these fleeting minutes of little pleasures that make life joyful. Didn't Heavenly Father say that "Man is that he might have joy"? Yet how often do we fail to take time to appreciate and enjoy all the wonders around us bear testimony of God's love for His children.

This morning I sat there in the kitchen and "smelled the roses" without another single feeling of guilt.