Off To California

It's been quite a few blogs ago that I left the story of my life and went on to things that were happening in the present.  When I left you last, Jim had just graduated from the University of Utah with a degree in electrical engineering.  He accepted a job with Hughes Aircraft Company in Los Angeles, California as a field engineer.  I wasn't too sure what a "field engineer" did at first, but I would soon find out.

We began preparing for the move.  For me preparing was mostly mental and emotional.  Salt Lake had been my home since I was born, and this was where my father, sister, brother, Grandma Knapp, and Jim's family all resided.  I would especially miss my grandmother who had been like a mother to me since Mom passed away.  The only consolation was that my sister, Georgia, had moved with her husband to Riverside, California.  She would now be only several driving hours away.  I had always been very close to her.  And I did have an aunt and uncle, Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Bruford, who lived very close to where we would be.

It was early summer when we packed our three little girls into our red Buick and headed for California. The company paid for our move, including all the packing, so we just had to get ourselves to our new apartment in Inglewood, close to Jim's work sight.  Our apartment was in a large U-shaped complex and our unit was on the second floor.  It was a nice apartment with lots of children so Jeanie made immediate friends.  The could play on the grass in the center of the "U".  It was safe fifty years ago.  Jeanie also loved the fact that we  lived within walking distance of the Inglewood horse racing track.  We could walk there and watch the 8th race for free.  (I assume there were eight races on race days).  Jeanie loved horses from the time she was that little until now, and she loved to watch them race.

Two things that I remember most about living in Inglewood was, one, we were able to purchase an automatic washing machine (no dryer) but an honest to goodness automatic washing machine, and two, we were able to afford nice gifts for the children that Christmas.  It was that Christmas that I made the reindeer stockings for the three girls. As you might expect they were a project from Relief Society.  Those stockings became a tradition for all the rest of our children who were to come.  One even made it to Spain one Christmas where Jon was serving on a mission.  That first Christmas in California seemed so strange to me.  To be truthful I didn't like it all.  The sun was shining and there was no snow!  There HAS to snow for Christmas.  It's just not Christmas without snow. 

The second hardest thing for me in California, next to sunny Christmases, was getting used to the freeways.  They scared me to death.  Utah had no freeways and I just couldn't get used to going up the on ramps and merging into traffic that was going 65 miles per hour.  Jim kept telling me that I had to increase my speed as I approached the freeway so that I would be going as fast as the traffic as I tried to merge in.  That was so scary!   But we had to get on the freeway to visit Aunt Dorothy which we did quite often.  She invited us to dinner almost every Sunday, and Uncle Bruford loved to take pictures of the girls while we were there.  Photography was his hobby.

For six months, Jim was trained in weapons systems for military aircraft which were manufactured by Hughes.  His responsibility would now be to train pilots and other military personal on how to use these systems.  But those military people would not be coming to Hughes for the training.  Jim would have to go out in the "field"  viz. to air bases on the west coast.  Now I understood what a "field engineer" was.  He, that is we, would have to do some traveling.  I really didn't mind because I hadn't been to many different places in my life.  His first assignment was to Kingsley Air Force Base in Klamath Falls, Oregon.  We would be leaving in January, right after Christmas.  I was kind of excited, but still a little scared.  For the first time I would be living with no family anywhere close.  I realized how dependent I had become on my family.  I knew it was time for me to "grow up" and be independent.

God is Still in Charge

The Christmas season is over. The welcoming lights on the neighbor's homes and throughout the community have gone out leaving a sense of darkness and even a little gloom. The house once dressed in it's holiday refinery now looks bare and empty. All the decorations are packed up and in put away in the attic....that is, except for the last few things I missed like the mistletoe ball that hung over the hall doorway and the balls that I found behind the chair that had fallen off the tree.

Well, there is also the table decoration that I found at an after holiday sale for 75% off and the cute Christmas tree molds that I found at the grocery store for $.25 that are the perfect size to make tree-shaped Rice Krispie treats next year. I just couldn't pass up those bargains. So there will be one more trip up to the attic.

There is always something a little sad when this season ends. Although I have to admit that I miss some of the "fluff" and even the "trappings" of Christmas...the lights and decorations, the shopping and crafting to have gifts for those I love, and the carols of Christmas being played everywhere you go. But what I miss the most is who I become at this special time of year. I become more thoughtful, more patient, more kind and considerate, more sensitive to the needs of others, less caught up in myself, more outgoing and comfortable with initiating a conversation with a stranger in a long checkout line, more excited about seeing family, more time spent trying to become closer to my Savior and trying to truly understand and appreciate His great sacrifice in my behalf, and more time trying to become like Him. Although this is who I should be and who I want to be all the time, it is so easy to slide back to old routines and old habits... to succumb to my "carnal" state with all its' temptations, inhibitions, and weaknesses. No wonder I feel a little depressed after Christmas.

I was so impressed this year by the many acts of thoughtfulness and service by so many of the family. You have really set the example as to what Christmas is all about. Many of you instead of giving gifts to those of us who are already blessed with SO much, have given to those of God's children who are really in need. And I know there are those of you who have done the same thing quietly in your own way. We as a family are so blessed in that none that I am aware of is without work or struggling just to survive in this time of economic stress. This coming year is going to be a challenge for all of us in one way or another. But with the love and support of family and the love and support of our Heavenly Father we all will be OK.

I Love You, Mom

Today has been a day of reflection and sweet memories.  My thoughts have been of my mother who would have been  100 years old today had she lived.  But her life ended fifty-five years ago, just five months after I was married.  And that was ten years longer than the doctor had predicted because of her badly damaged heart.  It was her strong faith, her love of family, and her desire to see her four children safely raised and taught correct principles that kept her alive, or so her doctor said.  She trusted that job to no one else.  And although it always bothered her that she was physically unable to care for many of our physical needs, she was an incredible teacher and lived what she taught.  She was always my exemplar and role model.

Mom loved the Lord and His gospel.  Her testimony never wavered throughout her years of illness.  She was willing to accept His will regarding her life, but always prayed that she could live long enough to finish her role as a mother.  Mom lived to see two of her daughters married to worthy men in the temple and the third engaged to marry a returned missionary.  She knew and approved of all our chosen companions.  But she died when my little brother (her only son) was just fourteen years old.  It was very difficult for him, but she had taught and prepared him well.  He married in the temple to a wonderful girl (Mom would have loved her), was a stake president for nine years, served a mission with his wife in England, and today is a Patriarch. Mom would have been so proud of him.

Thanks, Mom, for all you taught me and for all you sacrificed for me.  I know now how hard  your life must have been...how much more you would have liked to do for your family.  But you did everything that really matters in this life.  You taught me love of my Savior and love of His restored church.  You taught me to pray in faith and to expect answers.  You taught me integrity, service, how to work, and how to sacrifice.  You taught me who I am and what I could become.  You taught me patience and long suffering.  And you taught me how to be a loving wife and mother.  I like to think that somehow you had an influence there in Heaven in sending down the very best of Heavenly Father's waiting spirit children to our home, because we certainly got the best. You would just love them all. 

I can just imagine you now, young, beautiful, healthy, and enjoying the work you were unable to do on earth.  You always wanted to do missionary work with your dad, and I bet you are a dynamic duo in Paradise.  And I know you are happy to be reunited with Dad, with your mom and all your siblings.  And how special that you have one of your daughters with you as well.  (I miss you, too, Georgia.)    

I love you, Mom.  You were the best!  I only hope that you are proud of me...that I have lived up to your expectations.  Happy 100th birthday.

First Day of Advent - 2008

Today I have been feeling somewhat nostalgic and, yes, a little melancholy. Although it's technically still November (November 30) it is the first day of advent, the four Sundays preceding the celebration of the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. I remember when our children were still at home how I looked forward to those four Sunday evenings together when I could get away from the stresses of the holidays and focus on the real meaning of Christmas. It was a time when I could really feel those spiritual feelings that so easily escaped me during the busy week days as I struggled to get every other material need met for the family. Tonight I ached to have that same peaceful feeling that I had on those Advent Sundays years ago, but instead I find my mind racing with the thoughts of the things I still NEED to do and the things I would LIKE to before Christmas. The thought came to mind, "Why not?". Dad and I could spend these Sundays together reading about the Saviour. The New December issue of the Ensign is full of inspiring stories we could read together. We could turn off the lights and listen to Christmas music, and I could even make a Christmas dessert. Lighting a candle would be pushing it a bit with Jim. He was always a little paranoid about lighting candles in the house.

Today I put on some Christmas music and tonight we listened to a beautiful classical concert of three opera stars including Placido Domingo KCET. I know Jim doesn't particularly enjoy this kind of music, but he knows I do, and he made the sacrifice for me. As the concert concluded I felt it had set the mood (at least for me) to bring up the subject of spending the rest of the evening focused on the spirit of Christmas and of Christ even though I hadn't planned a special dessert. But when he began flipping through the channels to find something to watch and he picked "Monk" followed by the comment, "The Unit is on tonight", I knew it was over for me. He would probably have agreed to my suggestion, but I know he would have resented having to miss his favorite TV show and the spirit I wanted us both to feel would not be there.

It is sometimes difficult for me to understand how you can come home from church having been fed with spiritual food from the lessons, speakers, and partaking of the sacrament and then fill your home with violence, objectionable language and immorality coming from the TV. I just can't do it. So I find myself alone in my room on Sunday evenings reading or writing on this blog. I certainly don't want this to sound like a criticism of Jim. He is a wonderful loving person and is so good to me. I know he has a testimony of the gospel but just doesn't always see or feel things the way I do. And that's OK. But I have to be true to my own conscience.

So tonight after I finish this post I plan to play my Christmas music on my tape recorder here in my room, read the editorial in the December Ensign and from the scriptures as Jim did on those Advent Sundays, and maybe I'll even find a Christmas story that will make me cry. But I'll have to skip the dessert. Maybe next week.

I hope each of you, in your own way will make an effort to bring the spirit of Christmas into your own homes in whatever way it works for you. I know some of my children and grandchildren are celebrating Christmas this year by giving rather than receiving...a wonderful way to show your love of Christ and receive the spirit in your home. Maybe some of you are celebrating Advent with your children, or finding ways to include your children in sacrificing for others. Whatever you do, especially you moms, take time to rejuvenate your body and spirit by setting aside time to draw near to the Lord during this busy season. Ask yourself this question, "Does what I'm so busy doing really matter in the eternal scheme of things?" You'll find out that there are lot of things you can just let go.

My sweetheart just brought me in a cup of hot chocolate. How could you not just love that guy! Maybe I will go ask him to join me after all.

The Offer!!!

With graduation in sight we began fantasizing about being able to buy a home of our own. It turned out to be just that...a fantasy. But it was fun driving around looking for homes for sale. I only remember one that was really my "dream house". It was at top of one of the Avenues in Salt Lake. The "Avenues" were streets named "A", "B", "C" etc. which ran north from South Temple to the top of a steep hill. Once you reached the top you could look over the whole city. The view was spectacular. It was at the top of "I" St. that Jim formally proposed to me. I don't remember what letter street that this house was on, but maybe it was just nostalgia that made me like it so much. It was brick with three bedrooms, two bathrooms (a rarity back then) and a full finished basement. There was a passageway that went from the basement to a workshop under the garage. Jim really liked that. But we knew that even if Jim got one of the top job offers we could never afford the whopping $25,000 that the owners were asking. But it was nice to dream. And it never entered my mind that we would not live in Salt Lake forever.

Recruiters from companies all over the country came to the University of Utah to interview engineering graduates. I had never even heard of half the companies, but Jim was familiar with most of them...at least the bigger ones. He interviewed with many of the larger ones which he knew would pay the highest salaries, but was realistic enough to interview with the smaller ones as well. He didn't want to end up with no offers at all.

Offers began to come in to the students and it was no surprise that the top students got offers from the the big companies. They were very free at letting their competitors, fellow students, how much they had been offered. I have to think that Jim was a bit envious, that was until he received an offer from Hughes Aircraft Company, a very large company in Los Angeles. He could hardly believe what they were willing to pay him. It was the second highest offer of all the graduating engineers...$580 a month. It seems that they had taken into account all of his Air Force experience. And I like to believe that they also took into account the fact that he had gone through school while working and supporting a family.

I had mixed feelings about the offer. I could see how excited Jim was. He had worked so hard to reach this point and now all of his effort had been validated by this offer. I was glad for him. But I didn't want to move to California, especially to Los Angeles. I didn't like it much when I saw it on that first visit with Uncle LeGrande. And I remember Dad having nothing good to say about it when he returned to Salt Lake after Mother died. I voiced my concerns to Jim, but I could tell my words went right over his head. To this day I'm sure he would tell you that I was as excited as he was, but I really didn't want to leave "my home in the valley". I never said any more after he accepted the offer. He had earned the right to live wherever he felt he could best support his family. And I knew I could be happy anywhere as long as I had Jim and my family.

Where Do We Go for Help?

Jim's car accident was quite a blow, but we were thankful that he wasn't hurt and that it happened so close to graduation...we were only about two months away. We would soon have a livable salary (we hoped and prayed for a good job offer), and we would get caught up with all our bills. But then came another hard blow. The senior electrical engineering students were informed that they would be required to take a "field trip" to the bay area of California where a number of large electric companies such as IBM, Westinghouse, Hewlett Packard, General Electric, etc. were located. Today we call this area "Silicon Valley".

This trip was not optional. You either went or would not graduate. We were caught totally unawares. It wasn't any syllabus we had read, and the cost was $260. That paid for the bus and hotel, but eating would be additional. Then there was the fact that Jim would miss a week's work without pay. That would mean getting even farther behind on our bills. We figured we would need to have at least $500 to pay for the trip and to meet make up for lost work. It might just has well have been $5000 with no resources to come up with the money. My dad didn't have a lot of savings, and besides, my dad had never been too encouraging about any of us going on to college. His attitude had always been, "If you want an education you are going to have to pay for it." If he did loan us the money, he would make sure we felt guilty and obligated to him the rest of our lives. We didn't want that. As for Jesse and Jean, we knew that they had no savings and were struggling just to get by. They were always helping us in ways that they could...feeding us when our food money ran out, making clothes for the girls, and letting us charge gas to their account. But we knew that asking for financial help, regardless of how supportive they had been, would just be impossible for them. But where else could we go? It is so hard to ask for help when you have been trained all your life to be independent and self sufficient. Maybe we just needed to be humbled a bit and made to realize that all of God's children at one time or another need to ask for help. And if we don't ask, we are denying someone of the blessings that come from helping someone out. We would not be asking for a handout, only a loan until we got on our feet.

We fasted and prayed about what we should do. The answer came... my UNCLE KEN. He was my mom's younger brother who had always championed education even though he was never able to complete his own higher education. In spite of that he had been very successful in his business career. They lived in Ogden, as had we, right after we were married. He and Aunt Ina had been so good to us, encouraging us to go on to school when we got out of the military.
They had had us over to dinner often, and it was Aunt Ina who taught me how to make the famous orange rolls. I just knew they would understand and be supportive.

It was very hard for me to get up the courage to ask, but when I did, it was without hesitation that he wrote out a check. I can't tell you the gratitude (and the relief) that I felt and still feel.
Uncle Ken has since passed away, but Aunt Ina is still with us.

Jim went on that required trip, I stayed home with the girls, and all the bills got paid that month. When he returned home it was time to begin the interviews with recruiters who were now beginning to look for new competent employees for their companies. How would Jim measure up to the standards and requirements for available jobs. He knew that grades were not his strong point...adequate, but definitely not in the top ten percent. Would his other strengths and experience compensate for top grades? He could only wait and see.