Sacrifice Brings Forth the Blessings of Heaven

I took time off from writing my story to reflect on this past year's Christmas experience and to share one of the lessons in life that I'm slowly beginning to learn after nearly fifty-five years of motherhood - taking time to enjoy the beautiful world Heavenly Father has placed us all in. Now I need to get back to my life after our "miracle" baby was born.

Jon was a beautiful blond baby with my eyes (hazel). It seemed funny to me that only the boys got my eyes. Except for Jeanie's blue ones, all the rest had their dad's brown. Some people had trouble seeing the beauty in that little one because of those eyes. They were both crossed. At first we thought that since a lot of new babies have trouble controlling eye movement that in time his would also become normal in time. But not so. They remained crossed. That far-sighted cross was prevalent trait in my family. My sister, Georgia, had eye surgery for this same problem when she was young, and Jeanie's one eye began to cross when she was about six and beginning to read a lot. Glasses solved her problem. We didn't worry too much about this problem with Jon, because we knew it could be corrected. And my mother love for that little guy soon erased the very presence of any defect. He was perfect in my mind.

Although the following experiences occurred before Jon's birth, I just remembered several more experiences while we lived in Novato that I would like to mention before I continue on because it would be just a few short months before we leave our home for our next adventure. It was probably after only a few months of living in Novato that my large upper molars began to crack and crumble in my mouth. This was a hereditary defect in my family. Both of my parents lost all their teeth in their thirties because of this problem. For them there was nothing else they could do but have them pulled. Although there was new technology that could have saved my teeth, at least for a while, it was very expensive. It required capping each cracked tooth before it crumbled. It would have cost about $500 a tooth, and we just didn't have that kind of money. It was much cheaper to just have them all pulled. And besides, I remembered my dad always saying that his dentures were a lot better than is original teeth, so I felt, "What the heck". Just pull them and that will end the problem. It wasn't hard for the dentist to pull the back teeth, but it just killed him to pull my still good front ones. That was hard for me, too. But going without teeth for a couple of weeks while new ones were being made was even harder. In some ways I have regretted that somehow we didn't find a way to come up with the money to save my teeth. Dentures are NOT better than your own. My dad lied. I never looked the same again.

Some of the older children may remember this next experience. It was announced in church one Sunday that a new temple was to be built in Oakland. Back then it was up to the members of the church in the surrounding area to raise half the funds to build a new temple. Each family was asked to pledge what they could towards the temple building fund. We were asked to not just give what we thought we could afford, but to receive even greater blessings by sacrificing to contribute. We looked at our budget to see where we could cut. The only flexible area where we felt we could make cuts was the food. We ate a lot of beans and rice the next year, but were able to meet our commitment. The children were very good not to complain when we reminded them that we were making Heavenly Father very happy by helping to build a temple where He could come. Were we blessed? Absolutely! Can I tell you of some miracle money that dropped in our laps, or that somehow we had enough money to eat the way we had in the past? No. But we were able to meet all of our financial responsibilities without going into debt and we never went hungry. But it wasn't until much later that we realized that years of making financial sacrifice for the Lord and paying an honest tithing resulted in a blessing that we would never have thought of or imagined.

Smell the Roses

I just had to write this morning even though I was committed to getting my much-needed housework done today. I know I promised in my last blog to continue on where I left off on my history way back in November after taking time to reflect on my Christmas experience. But today as I sat eating breakfast and watching the birds out my kitchen window another "reflection" flooded my brain, and I just can't ignore it.

Before Christmas, my husband came to me and asked, "What do you want for Christmas?" He continued, "I mean is there something you would REALLY, REALLY like but would never ask for?" I know he was waiting for me to confess to wanting some pricey, impractical, or selfish gift, which I could tell he was willing to provide no matter what the cost or sacrifice. I think I totally took him by surprise when I said, "Yes. I would REALLY, REALLY like a bird feeder." I think he was about as surprised as when I asked him for tree for the backyard on my birthday.

You see, previously I had a little rose garden and fountain in the back yard which attracted the birds. I would watch out the kitchen window while eating breakfast and see the birds taking a bath and getting a drink in the fountain. The tree was an additional attraction for the birds when it was planted. Now that winter had brought snow and ice to Tehachapi, the fountain froze over and the birds disappeared. I thought a bird feeder would bring them back. I realized how much I missed watching those birds each morning.

Jim responded to my request by building me a bird feeder. That made this gift even more special to me. It was awesome!! He even provided me with twenty-five pounds of bird seed. The feeder did the trick. The birds returned in droves ... or I guess I should say "flocks". I broke the ice off the fountain each day that it formed so the birds could still drink and bathe. I had my birds back!

Now what does this all have to do with this morning's "brain dump"? Like I said, I was sitting there at the bar (kitchen bar), cereal bowl empty, and watching my birds. My mind was focused on the increasing number of birds that were showing up daily. This morning, for the first time, there was a beautiful new bird. It was larger than the rest with a black head, red breast, and black and white wings and tail. Its' mate with the same but subdued colors was also there. I just sat and watched for I don't know how long when all of a sudden I nearly screamed to myself, "What are you doing?" You've got so much to do today; why are you wasting your time?" That's when the reflection came. Wasn't it just a few months back, after my mini stroke, that I promised myself I would take time to "smell the roses"? Life is just to short to pass up these fleeting minutes of little pleasures that make life joyful. Didn't Heavenly Father say that "Man is that he might have joy"? Yet how often do we fail to take time to appreciate and enjoy all the wonders around us bear testimony of God's love for His children.

This morning I sat there in the kitchen and "smelled the roses" without another single feeling of guilt.

The Makings of a Spiritual Christmas

I feel a little ashamed that it has been nearly two months since my last entry. I guess that traditionally at this time of year, the approaching holiday season, my focus and energy turns to preparing the many things that are a part of Christmas. There are of course the gifts to be made or purchased, especially for the children, decorating the house inside and out, baking for all the neighbors, getting together with friends and family, participating in church activities, etc. This is the fun part of Christmas for me. It is the one time of year that I don't feel guilty about putting aside some of the endless mundane tasks of keeping an orderly home, and devoting time to exercise my more creative side.

But what has always been so difficult for me is getting lost in this materialistic (but fun) part of Christmas at the expense of preparing spiritually. Every year I've tried to leave some quiet time to read about the life of the Savior, to ponder and reflect upon the meaning of the atonement in my own life, to honestly try to love each member of my family, my neighbors, and even strangers more as He has taught us to love. I know that this is the way we can and should celebrate His birth. But year after year I fall far short of reaching that goal. There are those fleeting moments or maybe even sometimes hours when something I see or hear touches my spirit in such a way that I feel closer to Christ, but they are just that - fleeting.

This year I think I came closer than I ever have before, and as I contemplate why, I have come to the following conclusion:

1. I began in October to read Jesus The Christ by James E. Talmage. Every year I have

started reading this book before Christmas, but this year I actually finished the whole book. I found myself reflecting on the many aspects of Christ's life and mission about which I had read throughout the season and still now.

2. Economic and health issues required me to cut back on gift giving this year which freed up time and energy to become more service oriented. I found myself thinking of ways I could help others who were struggling at this time. We have many single neighbors and friends who are alone and lonely, even during the holidays. Visits and small remembrances were so appreciated and we felt the Savior's love as we loved His children.

3. We sacrificed financially to help some who needed help with the basic necessities.

4. I simplified my baking. No coffee cakes for the first time in many, many years. Our neighbors and friends received candied nuts instead.

5. I took time to listen to uplifting programs, devotionals and music on the BYU channel and invited non member friends to joins us.

6. I spent a wonderful day with family thanks to Rochelle who hosted the gathering.

7. Thanks to Debbie who heard me say that one of the things I really wanted to do was go to the temple for a session and then walk the beautiful grounds as that was one place I could always feel the spirit I wanted to feel, that desire was realized. She arranged for Kathi and Carrie to share in that gift to me.

8. Spending Christmas Eve with Debbie's family for dinner and sharing the Spirit of Christmas as we talked about the birth of the Savior and the blessings we have received because of His Gospel in our lives.

Yes, I decorated the house (that was important to me) and I did make some gifts (I still enjoy being creative and "crafty"), but I did purchase some inexpensive gifts, more than usual. But I focused mostly on the children. But I think the reason for one of the most spiritual Christmas's ever was that I was that my mind was less cluttered and stressed with all the truly unimportant trappings of the celebration of Christ's birth and focused more on what He would have us do. I want my family to know how much each one of them are loved and appreciated. I didn't hear a single complaint about how Grandma or Mom had forgotten them at Christmas. Always know that you are never forgotten as much as I know that you don't need "things" to be able to feel that love. And likewise I don't need gifts to know and feel your love. Your righteous lives are always a special gift to me.

Miracle Baby

Before I go on to tell about our "miracle baby", a few more memories of our time in Novato have come floating into my mind. It was here that we made one of our first big purchases, a piano. Music has always been important in my life. I have never been blessed with musical talent, but I have always had a love for and an appreciation of good music. I had always wanted my children to have the opportunity to develop any musical talent or interest that they had. Debbie had continued on with her ballet lessons in Novato and showed real talent. Now we started Jeanie with piano lessons.
It was a part of one of our Family Home Evenings that we made paper mache puppet heads using balloons for the mold. We painted faces, added yarn hair, and made clothes. Jim even built us a stage with curtains and lights. When I was the public safety chairman for our school's PTA the older children and I put together a little safety puppet show for the children at the school. The characters were school children, a policeman, and a crossing guard. I don't really remember the story line only that it was to teach children safety in coming to and going home from school. Speaking of school, I'm sure Jeanie, Debbie, and maybe even Kathi (I think she was only in kindergarten at the time) remember the "rod" method of teaching math that surfaced at this time, and the questionable value they had in Dad's mind. That technique didn't last too long.
Because of Jim's job as a field engineer with the responsibility of teaching military personnel he had the status of an officer on base with all it's accompanying privileges. These included the use of the officer's club and swimming pool. I was able to take the children to the pool any time. They loved it! I think more than loving the pool, they loved the snack bar next to it.
Now let's talk about that miracle baby. I guess I have to begin back in Klamath Falls right after the twins were born. Although we wanted at least one more child in the future, my plate was pretty full right then. So we decided to try the brand new birth control pills that had just been introduced. And wouldn't you know, I was that one in ten thousand (or more) who had a negative response. The pills threw me into pre-mature menopause and I stopped ovulating. (I hope I'm not making any of my readers uncomfortable by talking about such a personal subject). The only good thing about that was that I also stopped menstruating. The doctor said that without a reversal I would not be able to have any more children. I was devastated! I remember telling Jim (my husband) how awful it would be to have our son Jim grow up in a house full of girls without a brother. I will never forget his wise words, "If that is the worst thing he has to face in his life, he will be one lucky guy." I'm sure that was supposed to make me feel better, but it didn't.

Now fast forward five years to Novato, California. It is 1965, five years later. The twins have started kindergarten, Jeanie is in fifth grade, Debbie in fourth, and Kathi in second. I have long since reconciled myself to the fact that we would be forever a family of seven. I hate odd numbers! I never wanted to have an odd number of children. It should have been four, or six, or even eight. But not five. But I had no choice. That was until Jim was called to be the Elders Quorum President of our ward. I went with him to be set apart by the stake president, and I confess I wasn't listening as close as I should have to the blessing which he bestowed upon Jim as he was set apart. But on the way home, he said to me, "Did you hear what President Allred said in his blessing?" I had to admit that I didn't know what he was referring to. He answered (and I'm paraphrasing), " He said that the deepest wishes of our hearts would be realized." I didn't know what Jim's deepest wish was, but mine was to have one more baby.

Nine months later on Sunday, March 20, a son was born to us, weighing in at 9 lbs. 2 oz. We felt it fitting to name him John (Jon ... Jim insisted on dropping the the "h" ) which means "Gift of God". He was truly our special gift from God. The doctors couldn't explain how this was possible, but we do. He was truly our "Miracle Baby".

And I was happy. We now had an even number!

More Memories of Novato

The nearly five years we spent in Novato holds many special memories for me. Here are a few that come to mind.

• Watching the twins grow up. Twins have a totally different way of maturing than a single child. It was fascinating to watch. They were best friends and never needed any one else to play with. They developed their own language which only they could understand, and communicated with others when necessary by pointing and sign language. I learned a little of their language, but others couldn't understand a word they said. This was a problem when they were nearing kindergarten age and we wondered if we should hold them back.
• The trauma of disposing of Jimmy's (what we called Jim Jr.) "blanky". Jim loved his blanky, especially the silk binding. He would stuff the whole corner of it in his mouth and chew on it. I had to keep replacing the binding because it would become so stinky and worn. The blanket became smaller and smaller as I kept cutting it down to replace the worn part. One night when we were barbecuing with charcoal in the back yard Jim was standing there watching, blanket in hand. Daddy said to him as he took the blanket from his trusting hands, " I wonder what would happen if we put your blanket on these pretty red coals. Little Jim looked on with horror as his precious treasure go up in flames. No more "blanky".

• Jimmy deciding he wanted to find out what smoking a cigarette was like. Dad obliged by bringing home a pack of cigarettes, lighting it up for him, and watching him put it in his mouth. It was when Mom told him to suck in like using a straw that we saw the reaction that cracked us up. I'll never forget that look on his face as he choked, turned green (almost) and began running around the house ... the outside of the house. He made several round trips before he finally stopped. I don't think Jim ever tried smoking again.

• It was here that we received the news of President John Kennedy's assassination. I remember I was shopping for Christmas, and had just purchased a large stuffed bear that came with a little cub in its' paws. I just knew Deborah would love it. Then the news came over the loud speaker of the store. It's funny what we remember when traumatic things occur in life.
• Adding on to our small church building, the work being done by members of the ward. Jim spent many hours up on the roof of that building. But it was so nice now to have a real chapel with permanent benches, and a separate cultural hall.

• Putting on an original children's Christmas play based on the the story of "The Little Drummer Boy". I talked my my friend, Betty Schmidt, who was a gifted writer to use her skills to come up with this cute play for the Primary to perform for the ward Christmas Party. It has since been performed by several other Primarys in other stakes. I still have a copy of that play.

• Special friends, Wanda Dunn, Lorna Burdette, Irene Laycock, and Betty Schmidt.

• Jimmy and Shelly starting kindergarten even though no one could understand them. We took them to a specialist to make sure they didn't have a learning disability that coused their speech problem. We were assured that as soon as they were split up by placing them in different classes, and with some speech therapy, they would do just fine. It only took several months of therapy and being around other children and they were talking like any other five-year-old.

• Lots of fun church activities.

• Some "not so fun" Officer's Club parties that we were obligated to attend. We once won a prize for the couple that seemed to be having the most fun. Actually we were the only ones who weren't stoned ... and we were great actors. Our prize? ... bottle of liquor.

• Making one of the most important family decisions of our lives - committing to having regular Family Home Evenings. We were motivated by the words of a prophet which were in the introduction to the new Family Home Evening Manual we received. These words were: "If fathers and mothers will faithfully discharge the responsibility of Family Home Evening, not one in a hundred of your family would ever go astray." I liked those odds, I liked that assurance, and I was willing to do my part receive that promised blessing. FHE became, from that time on, a top priority in our lives.
• Being named Novato's "Mother of the Year" in 1966.

• Being blessed with our "miracle" baby, Jon, that same year. More about this miracle and special blessing in my next blog.

Wake Up And Smell the Roses

I’d like to fast forward forty-six years for this blog because of the significance of an event a week or so ago that has had a definite impact on my life … an impact in the sense of how it has changed my perspective on what is really important and the changes I need to make in my life even at this late date. Two weeks ago I had a TIA (mini-stroke) that landed me in the hospital for three days. It wasn’t serious … no brain damage … just a real wake-up call. These kinds of strokes can be pre-cursors to future more debilitating or life threatening ones. I, as was everyone who knows me, was taken totally by surprise. I was advised by my doctors to make some life-style changes … reduce stress, lower blood pressure by losing weight, exercising more, using less salt, etc. etc. You know the drill. These things I am starting to do. But the most important thing I plan to do is to look at my world through different eyes.

I was inspired by the following true story that appeared in our little local newspaper, The Loop:

“On a cold January morning in 2007, in a corner of the Washington DC Metro station, a young violinist took up his instrument and began to play. Just like any other street musician, he opened his violin case in hopes of tips. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes and during that time, approximately 2,000 People went through the station. Six people stopped to linger and listen for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk at their normal pace. Several children stopped to listen, but in every instance, the parent pushed the child to move on. For his morning concert, the musician collected $32. After the hour was over, the young man stopped and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded. Unbeknownst to the DC Metro patrons, the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the finest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell had sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100. (If you’ve ever seen the movie, The Red Violin, Bell is the soloist of the soundtrack. He was only 18 at the time!) Joshua Bell playing incognito in the Metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The question raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? “

This experiment reminds me of the trite proverb: “stop and smell the roses”. But “over-used” as that statement might be, it has a whole new meaning to me. I have come to realize how fragile our individual mortality is. None of us can know when or how our Father will call us home, and when we face our maker I can’t help but wonder if one of the questions He may ask us is, “Did you take time to appreciate and enjoy the beauty of all the things I provided to make your journey on earth more peaceful?” I know now that I will be able to answer, “Yes! Thank you!”

The Church is the Same Wherever You Go, Only Different

Having grown up in Salt Lake City I was used to our many church buildings being being only a few blocks apart and they were all complete buildings with a chapel, cultural hall with stage, multiple classrooms, junior Sunday School room (Primary was during the week)and offices for several bishops. It had been a little different in Klamath Falls where there were fewer members and only one church building. But that building was a complete complex with the same chapel, cultural hall, etc. that we had in Salt Lake. But when we moved to Novato, we were surprised to discover that our building had only one large room that served both as the chapel and the recreation hall, maybe a half dozen classrooms down a single wing, and a bishop's office ... even though we were a ward and not a branch. Because the large room had multiple uses, it was necessary to have folding chairs which were placed in rows on a cement floor for sacrament meeting. There was no carpeting in the building. As you can imagine, it was a bit noisy. Because there was no custodian for the building, the cleaning was done by assignment to families. Our little family spent quite a few Saturdays cleaning that little building. It was at church that I discovered that one of our close neighbors was a member. I was excited about that. And even more excited when I found out that she had two teen-age daughters that were more than willing to babysit. Loved it!!

As is usual, especially when a ward is small, we were immediately given callings. I was called to the Primary as a teacher of the Firelights, who were the 10-year girls. The nine, ten, and eleven year old girls were then collectively called the "Merry Miss" girls. The nine-year olds were called "Gaynotes", the ten-year bolds, Firelights, and the eleven-year olds, "Merryhands".

Not only did this group of girls learn the Articles of Faith, work to fulfill a number of other requirements each year, but also learned simple embroidery, knitting, and crocheting. I had only been working in this assignment for about a year when I was called to serve as a counselor in Relief Society. That was a real surprise ... but I guess not really ... because my LDS neighbor,

Dunn, and I had become good friends when she was called to be Relief Society president. But I was still in my twenties, and that is pretty young to be working in what I saw as the Church's organization for "old ladies". I felt pretty uncomfortable accepting that calling, but how could I turn down my good friend? Turning down the Lord didn't even enter my mind at that time.

Once I began learning what my duties and responsibilities would be in Relief Society, I kind of figured out why Sister Dunn wanted me in this position. The organization and assignments of the different members of the board differed greatly than today. Part of my job was to organize the nursery and find a suitable leader. This was a paid position and the one holding it did not necessarily have to be a member of the church. Since there was no manual for lessons and activities, part of my job was to write the lessons and discussions, provide pictures and teaching aids, find organize activities and crafts, plan and bring the snacks, etc. I had to do all this in more detail because the teacher we had was not a member. I had to write all the dialogue she should have with the children to reenforce the lesson. It was a big job for me. As I think about it now, I should have saved all those lessons plans. This was the first of my many many callings in Relief Society. Except for a few short stints in Primary, nearly all of my responsibilities in the Church throughout my life have been in this organization.

All was going well in Novato. We were enjoying our new friends, our children had adjusted well to their new school, Jim was enjoying his work at the base and we loved going there to swim at the officer's club anytime we chose. Then came a real shocker!