Trial or Blessing ?

I was so excited when I received a call from the Philippines. I knew it was Jim, and I knew he must have something very important to tell me because it was expensive to make those long-distance calls. First of all he told me that he had received the papers for his next assignment. We would be going to Wurtsmith Air Force Base in Oscoda, Michigan for his last year of duty. In spite of his telling me how cold it would be in the winter, I was excited. It sounded like a fun adventure to me because the farthest away from home I had ever been was to Cheyenne, Wyoming. Oscoda was right on the shore of Lake Huron, so I knew it had to be a beautiful place.

Then Jim dropped the bombshell...at least it seemed that way to me. He had found out that it might be possible for him to fly home on a military plane if one heading for the states was scheduled to stop there at Clark AFB at the right time and if there was space available. This sounded really good to him after having experienced the long three week trip on a navy boat going to the Philippines. So many had gotten seasick on that trip that he had slept out on the deck many nights to avoid getting sick himself from the smell. It wasn't a fun trip and he wasn't too thrilled at the thought of going through that again. And I didn't blame him. BUT he felt that since it was uncertain as to if and when a plane would be available we should postpone the wedding for at least a week to allow some extra time. I tried hard not to cry until after I hung up. The date of our wedding was changed to the thirteenth of May. Fortunately the invitations had not been printed. My dad was doing that at no cost since he was a printer and his father owned the printing shop. But all the other plans and arrangements had to be changed.

The first call I made was to Elder LeGrande Richards who was scheduled to marry us. And wouldn't you know he had an assignment that weekend and would not be available. GREAT! He said he would try to find a substitute and he did...Apostle Harold B. Lee. How could I be disapointed about that???? Calls to the bakery, florist, photographer, and to make the necessary changes yielded no problems. I was relieved. I actually began to think that maybe this was a good thing because if a plane became available soon Jim could get home a whole month before the wedding instead of just two weeks.

The ship left Manila the first week of April without Jim aboard. His only way home was now by plane and the "if" and "when" was uncertain. We crossed out fingers and waited.

Wedding Plans

Days didn't seem to drag anymore as the excitement of Jim coming home and the "busyness" of planning a wedding took over. I had to order flowers, look at wedding cakes, find a photographer, decide on what what to serve....etc. etc. But my biggest dilemma was still what to do about a wedding dress. My prayers where answered when one of my mom's best friends, Thelma Strong, volunteered to let me borrow a dress from her newly married daughter-in-law. I'm not too sure how the daughter-in-law felt about it, but I hope that her new mother-in-law checked with her beforehand. And I hope that somehow she knew how grateful I was. The dress was beautiful - more gorgeous than anything I would have been able to afford. It consisted of a floor length lace redingote (a long outer coat-like covering) over a plain dress with a skirt of yards and yards of tulle. I felt like a real princess in that dress.

With the dress problem resolved, I could now go on with remaining details of the wedding. I picked out the wedding cake - a two layer one because the musical revolving top I had purchased while working at the bakery was pretty large. Sheet cakes, punch, mints, and nuts completed the planned refreshments. These were the common choices at most weddings of that day. Only the very rich served dinner or had the buffets as we see today. Flowers were ordered, simple carnations for the bridesmaids and a large purple Cattleya orchid surrounded by Lillies of the Valley for me. This was a splurge because those orchids were a quite costly. But I had always dreamed of having one in a corsage someday because they were not only very beautiful (and fragile) but also a real "status symbol". This was my chance. The orchid in the bouquet was removable so it could be used as a "going away" corsage.

Because funds were getting a little low, I settled on a rented arch and candelabra as a backdrop for the bridal party and forwent decorations for the hall...just a few flowers on the tables. But there was still a photographer to hire, and I was basically out of money. But I really wanted pictures. Doesn't every bride want memories of her special day? I knew I would have to make a sacrifice if it were to happen, and I did. I sold my cello. Everything was now in place so I would have the two weeks from the time when Jim was due home until our wedding day to get "re-acquainted" again. After all, he had been gone for two years. I have to admit that I had some concern as to whether he or I had changed during that time, or if our feelings were not as we had remembered before he left. Maybe he would decide that this whole marriage thing was not the right decision once he saw me again. I guess it could have been those "pre-marriage jitters" that we hear so much about. I found myself looking more and more at the picture I had of him in his Air Force uniform. He was so handsome! Was that my attraction to him? I wanted to be sure and I wanted Jim to be sure. So I once again turned to prayer for that confirmation, and it came. I learned later that I need not have been concerned about Jim because he had made our relationship a matter of prayer before he wrote that proposition letter and sent a ring. He told me how he had received personal revelation that I was the right one.

Everything was going so well and all on schedule. Then the bottom fell out of all the plans I had so carefully made when I received a long distance call from Jim.

The Excitement Begins

January, 1954, was a special month! Jim was given his "return to the states" date which was the first of April. We could now set a wedding date, and we did - May 7. I could now begin planning in earnest. The first thing I did was to contact LeGrande Richards, an apostle, and also a good friend of my father. Although it had been many years since he had been my dad's bishop and mission president, they had remained in contact over those years. We asked if he would be available to marry us on that date, and he said he "would be delighted". One thing taken care of. Next, I picked out colors and patterns for bridesmaids dresses. I loved the color lavender so decided to have my bridesmaids in shades of that color beginning with purple and getting lighter and lighter down the line. (It was years later that I found out that Jim hated those colors). I chose four bridesmaids...my two sisters and two close friends, Heather Thurman, and JoAnne Starr. My niece, Maurine was to be my flower girl.

Since a date had been set for our wedding, the bishop gave me a recommend to go to temple for the first time. This would give me the opportunity to return several times before our temple marriage. Jim had already been endowed before he left to go overseas. I was so glad that my mom felt well enough to go with me that day. I think she would have gone even if she had had to crawl there. That was how important it was to her. I do remember that she was in bed all the next day because she was so worn out which really made me appreciate her great effort and sacrifice even more. Although I didn't understand it all, I felt a spirit there that I had never felt before. I still feel that same spirit every time I return to the temple, and each time I go I understand more and more. I don't feel too bad about not understanding it all as yet because even the prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, says that he learns something new every time he goes. My temple experience was the highlight of the exciting and busy month of January.

The next few months were very busy ones. Besides working and going to school I began working on a trousseau for myself. I really didn't have too many nice clothes. Clothes had never been a big priority in my life. But now I wanted something nice to wear to the temple on my wedding day...something store bought. I had always made most of my clothes. I went to an upscale store, Auerbachs, in Salt Lake for the first time. I was almost afraid to go in, and when I did I felt a little (no, a lot) out of place. I was alone, and I didn't even know where to go look. But somehow I walked out with a beautiful navy blue faille suit with a a white collar studded with pearls and rhinestones. I loved that suit although I felt guilty about paying so much. I finished the outfit with a navy blue hat (hats were really "in" at the time), navy blue shoes with white stitching, and white gloves. This was what I would wear to the temple on my wedding day. I also bought a grey wool suit with a black velvet collar when the Utah Woolen Mills were selling off their winter stock. I got a great deal on that suit, and it also became one of my favorites. I wore if for quite a few years. The rest of my trousseau was home made and consisted of a skirt, blouse, a dress, and, of course, a nightgown (long and with sleeves) and a sheer negligee to go over it. No one (at least in my circle of friends) would even think of buying or giving as a gift the things I see at bridal showers today. It took me a while to appreciate how lingerie can spice up a marriage.

My biggest dilemma right now was what to do about a wedding dress. I knew I couldn't afford to buy one, and I didn't feel competent enough to try and make one. And besides, when would I have the time? I only had a few months left before my wedding day and I still didn't have a clue what I would do. I had purchased and delivered satin fabric and patterns to my bridesmaids, but I had nothing for myself. I tried to put it out of my mind while I tried to work on the rest of my preparations...reserving the building for the reception, flowers, pictures, decorations, etc. And I prayed a lot.

Days Drag On - Protected Again

The summer turned into fall and then into winter. The days and months still seemed to drag, and it was only the letters and frequent gifts from Jim made my days exciting and happy. Some of those gifts were beautiful linens, a feathery scarf made of banana leaf fibers, an embroidered evening purse fashioned of fine linen, and fringed Japanese tapestry (table cloth?) that we used once for a Wiseman in our children's Christmas pageant. But my most favorite gift was a silver pin which consisted of two hearts, one with an embedded pearl, bound together by an arrow. I still have those gifts, most of them too beautiful to use. I did wear the pin every day after receiving it and on special occasions after he returned home. I gave that pin to one of my girls (I can't remember for sure which one). I do remember it was for a special Young Women's activity at which mothers had secretly been asked to bring a gift for our daughter that had special meaning to us. That pin was certainly meaningful to me, and I hope it has been for her.

Two of my favorite people and my soon-to-be in laws, Jesse and Jean invited me to dinner quite often...I guess to get to know me better to see if I met the high standards they had for Jim. Since they had raised Jim during his teenage years, I'm sure they were like any parents would be - concerned that he was making a good choice at such a young age. We both were kind of young. Jim has always said that they approved from day one. But I'm not that sure. I think it was my mother that they really liked, and just hoped they she had taught me well. Or maybe it was their concern that I would not like or know how to prepare Mexican food because that is what we always seemed to eat when I came. The answer to their concerns was "no" and "no". I really didn't like those "hot" enchiladas and those chile rellenos and I really, really didn't have a clue how to make them. I wasn't so sure that I wanted to learn. But Jean taught me anyway, and I was willing to learn, especially since Jim loved Mexican food. He was raised on it.

It was during these months of working and waiting that my skin allergies went out of control. That wasn't good!!! Not now!!! One of my co-workers suggested that I go to this "great" chiropractor that she knew because "he knew how to cure any medical problem and she was sure he could help me". I had never been to a chiropractor in my life. My parents always felt that they were medical frauds so I was more than skeptical about their being able to help me. But I was desperate, so I made an appointment. The appointment was for one afternoon on my way home from work. I will never forget the feeling that I had when I walked into that "office" which was in an old home in an old section of town. It was a very dark, foreboding feeling. The windows were covered and the room was dark. I didn't see anyone in the room, but that "still small voice" said, "Get out of here, now!" And believe me I did! Although I never knew what danger I might have been exposed to, I believe this experience was another of those special times when I was "protected from evil designing men and women" as my patriarchal blessing stated that I would be. I don't mean this in anyway to be a reflection on chiropractors. I have since learned that most are good and qualified in what they do. I have since been to several that have really helped me, and do not hesitate to go again.

Nineteen fifty three came to an end and a new year was ushered in. Nineteen fifty four was to be the greatest year of my life so far. Jim would be coming home, I would be getting married, and my "living happily ever after" would begin. How young, how in love and how naive was I. But don't we all need those dreams and fantasies to help us take risks and make those giant steps into our future, and even do so with excited anticipation? For me it is a resounding "Yes!!"

The Longest Year of My Life

Nineteen fifty three was the longest year of my life. I was home from school, and that was a nice break from the stress of studying, writing papers, and especially TESTS! And I enjoyed spending more time with Mom. I knew her days were numbered by the fact that I had been called home twice during the school year as Mom had been rushed to the hospital and was not expected to live. But both times she recovered enough to go back home. But her condition continued to decline, and she was now restricted to a wheelchair. The doctor indicated that it was only her will to live to see my brother raised that was keeping her alive. By his medical knowledge and diagnosis he told the family that she had already lived ten years beyond what he would have predicted.

As soon as I returned home from school I began looking for a job. I really didn't have any job skills, and fast food restaurants hadn't caught on yet so those weren't even an option. Fortunately I was hired by the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) as a file clerk. I COULD alphabetize so that worked for me. The DMV was located in the basement of the Capitol Building at the top of State Street in Salt Lake City, so I was able to ride to and from work with my dad. I made new friends in that department, two of which were special to me. One was an older woman who kind of adopted me as a daughter (I still have some edgings that she tatted for me), and the other was Joanne Starr who was like a sister. In fact, she was one of my bridesmaids at my wedding.

Because of my experience at school of having to hand write all of my papers I decided to take a typing class in the evening at a business school. We didn't have a typewriter at that time, but Dad would occasionally bring one home from work. I never became great at typing, but it helped later on in my life when I did some typing for Jim's work and for my kids (mostly Jon) when they had papers due. And especially now I can use the keyboard of my computer. I never regretted the time and money I spent learning to type.

Most of my evenings this year were spent preparing a trousseau. It was tradition for prospective brides to have most of their linens and basic essentials for married life already purchased or made before the wedding. I spent hours embroidering pillow cases, sheets (yes, sheets), and even dishtowels. The pillow cases and sheets were not only embroidered but had crocheted edgings and the dishtowels were decorated with themed pictures and days of the week. Before I got married the next spring, my cedar chest was full. It wasn't too long after we were married, however, that Jim let me know that the embellished sheets and pillow cases were very uncomfortable to sleep on, so all my "beautiful" hand work stayed stored in the linen closet until I gave it away. He did let me dry dishes with the towels, however.

My dad did printing work for a jewelry store which allowed him a discount on any merchandise he purchased there. He had only used that privilege several times when he bought my mother a pin and we girls a rhinestone necklace for Christmas one year. When I discovered that this store carried silverware I imposed on dad to use his discount for me. I selected a full set (service for twelve) of silver plate with an orchid design on the handles. I loved orchids...the big, purple, delicate ones...the same ones on my silverware. An added bonus was that it came in a silver TABLE, not just a chest. But the best part of this purchase was that the jeweler let me have it at half price and allowed me to make payments. As I remember, the total price was $50.00. I was also very fortunate in acquiring dishes for my trousseau because on one of his R and R trips to Japan while he was overseas, Jim sent me a whole set of china...service for twelve. During that year he also sent me beautiful cut-work linens from the Philippines.

Although I tried to keep busy, this was the longest year of my life. I could appreciate what waiting for a missionary must be like. I wrote letters to Jim nearly every day and received one from him nearly every day. I lived for those letters and have kept many of them to this day. I still pull them out on occasion and read them, and I still get the same loving feelings as I had then. But even more special is the fact that those feelings I have for my sweetheart are more deep now after spending nearly fifty-four years with him than they were then. And that is how it should be. As the time drew closer to his return, the excitement of seeing him and the preparations for a wedding escalated, but the time seemed to drag even slower.

Finding Christ at Christmas

It's the day before Christmas, 2007. It's my seventy third Christmas...fifty fifth as an "adult". And still I struggle with the same earnest desire to become so close to my Savior that I can feel Him close to me, feel His love and peace, and more importantly feel the deep love and gratitude I know I should have for Him and my Father in Heavenly for the great sacrifice they both made that I might return to their presence. Don't take me wrong. I DO love the Savior and my Heavenly Father, but I guess what I desire is to feel more than the earthly love that I feel for my children and spouse, which is the deepest love I have yet to feel. I guess what I want to feel is true charity...the true love that Christ has for us especially during the Christmas season. You would think that at this season of the year when we as Christians and members of His church should focus on His birth and mission as the center of our celebration that drawing close would be easier. I have found it just the opposite. It has become the time that we get so encumbered with relatively unimportant things, so stressed by the demands on our time and energy, even so engaged in trying to do good things for others that we have no time left for peaceful solitude and reflection, for quiet and sincere study and prayer, to be alone out among God's beautiful creations and feel His presence there. I guess I'm talking about us wives and mothers.

This year I have been thinking back at Christmas past and trying to remember if perhaps there have been glimpses of this feeling that I desire that I may have missed because I wasn't paying attention. These are some of the things that came to mind.

• Christmas Eves as a child with family - definitely warm memories, but more of childhood excitement.
• The year I received the most beautiful doll in the whole world - definitely childhood excitement. No spiritual memories here.<>
• <>The year my little brother (Jr. High age) told mom he wanted to give the money that would be spent on him for Christmas (all of $10.00) to help a needy family that was adopted by his home room class. I was proud of him, but I'm sure it was he that had the feelings of love from the Savior.
• <>The first Christmas we were married. My mother had passed away that October and no one stepped up to planning a family Christmas. It had been mother who had always done that. The most sad and empty Christmas of my life. It could have been so different if I had stepped up to the plate.
• The next Christmas after our little Jeanie was born. This one became one of the best. Why? Jim was in school and we had next to nothing to spend on Christmas. I think that is one of the keys to having a more spiritual holiday. You become so grateful for what you DO have. And we had our little family. I remember buying three toys for Jeanie...a little four-piece plastic train (no track), a stuffed animal, and I can't remember what else. I just remember hiding them in the bottom of zip-up clothes bag...as if I needed to hide them from a nine month old. We managed a small tree, one string of lights, a dozen glass ornaments and finished decorating it with our Christmas cards as we received them. Definitely one of our more spiritual Christmas's.
• The year our landlord died and our low-rent house was put up for sale. We needed to save money for a new house so only gave the small children dime-store gifts (they didn't mind a bit) and the adults did white elephants, a tradition still going on today. Then our children gave us the best Christmas ever. They pooled their hard-earned money and gave us a down payment on a new house. How blessed we felt for having such wonderful, loving children.
• As our family grew and our Christmas traditions became established, we tried to make doing for others a part of those traditions. Each year we tried to do a service for someone in need. Surely this would bring those burning feeling of love I desired to feel. But even service projects require planning and shopping. I spent so much time and effort in preparation that I left no time for myself for those quiet reflective moments. I have often wished I had a grove of trees in my back yard where I could find the peace and quiet.

There are many more Christmases I could write about. But I want to get to this year. This year I have had brief glimpses of that elusive burning in the bosom type love of and for God and His son. And it is because I made the effort. I completed my preparations by the first of December so I could really concentrate doing what I needed to do to be truly worthy of the feelings I desired. I earnestly studied the New Testament this year and even completed the Institute manual on the New Testament. It was my desire to really get to KNOW God and His Son. It is hard to love someone you do not know. It's hard to describe how I felt as I read and studied. Christ became a person, not a story. I cried over the pain and suffering He went through and truly wanted to show my love and appreciation. Did I feel true charity as I desired and in return did I feel His love? Maybe my expectations aren't realistic, but I did have one experience in which I knew for a brief instance how that love feels. I was visiting one of the inactive sisters that I visit teach. Her inactivity is due to the fact that she feels she can never be forgiven of past transgressions. She has had a incredibly difficult life but has raised a good family. I felt inspired to buy her the book "The Miracle of Forgiveness" for Christmas. I wasn't sure how she would react, so I prayed hard before I went to give it to her. Although, since day one of meeting her four years ago, I felt a special bond today I felt such consuming love for that sister that I broke into tears as I hugged her. I thought to myself, "This is what it must feel like to have Christ-like love". I've really tried to serve God's children this year, and I've tried to give myself time alone with my Father and my Savior to express my love and feel Their love for me. They are always there for me. It is I who does not open that door to them by what I do or do not do. It is my hope and prayer that before I die I will have that constant burning love in my heart for not only my Heavenly Father and my brother, Christ, but for all of my brothers and sisters here on earth. May you all have the same desire and may you be blessed always for all your righteous efforts.

The Most Important Decision of my Life

I enjoyed my new classes at BYU following Christmas break, but as for my social life, that was a different story. I had no desire to date, so I just concentrated on my studies. That quarter I took an archery class along with my academics. My dad was an archer and made all his own equipment including his bows and arrows. He had taught me how to shoot when I was pretty young, and even made me my own bow. So I was not new to the sport. I guess that gave me somewhat of an advantage, and I ended up being the intra-mural archery champion in competition that year. I still have my medal. I still enjoy archery and have taught at several girls camps and was a merit badge counselor in archery for the Boy Scouts for quite a few years.

I believe it was towards the end of February that I was tired of thinking up excuses for turning down dates. I definitely had not been having any fun up to now and had no desire to keep trying. In my next letter to Jim I wrote that I loved him and was waiting for him whether he liked it or not. Actually, it was the first letter I had written in about a month because I was trying to decide what to tell him about those dates, what not to tell him about them, and if I was being a little presumptuous about his feelings for me. I had no idea how his lack of mail from me had affected him until he later told me that he had gone out in the nearby woods to pray. He asked the Lord to help him forget about me if I was not the right one. The very next day he received my letter and felt that he had received an answer to his prayer. The next letter I received from him was a proposal of marriage. We were pretty young to be talking marriage...I just eighteen and Jim just barely twenty. But it wasn't like we had just met. We had actually known each other for over five years.

About two weeks later, on April 1, 1953, I received a ring in the mail. (Jim still teases me that it was all just an elaborate April Fools Day Joke... getting engaged that is). Actually, he sent the set of rings because he had no place to keep the wedding band safe on the base in the Philippines. I didn't know until later that Jim had been saving his money to buy a motor scooter to ride around the base and to do some sight seeing. He gave up that motor schooter to buy those rings. I was so excited that I took a bus home to show my parents who were about as thrilled as me. I expected that of mom because she so wanted to see her children settled before she passed away. She knew she was living on borrowed time. But my dad surprised me. Everywhere we went he would hold up my hand to show off the ring...even to near strangers. It was embarrassing at times. I knew that they both liked Jim, and from their reaction to my engagement I knew that they approved.

It would be a wait of over a year before I would see Jim again. I spent the time finishing that year at BYU and then home to work. I knew I wouldn't be able to return to school that fall because I would have to earn the money for a wedding, which I knew I would have to pay for. And I wanted to have a trousseau before I got married. For you "young'uns" who don't know what a trousseau is, it is a collection of linens, dishes, silverware, etc. that all newly weds need. But back then we embroidered everything...sheets, pillow cases, even dishtowels. AND we crocheted the edges of the embroidered pillow cases. I had a beautiful cedar chest which my parents had given me for high school graduation, and I wanted to fill it up. But first I had to find a job. That was my next task.