Everybody Loves and Needs a Grandma

I promised in my last blog to write about my most amazing seminary class with some good stories.  However, I'm going to insert another subject here because it kind of relates to that class and how they were involved.

Meet Kitty and Chloe.  They were residents at an assisted care facility in Thousand Oaks.  Our children never had a regular grandma because both my mother and Jim's mother passed away before any of them were born.  Some of the older ones remember Grandma Knapp, my maternal grandmother. She became my surrogate mother and a special grandmother to my children.  But she lived in Utah and we lived in California.  I really wanted them to have a closer relationship with older people.  So one day I went to that care center which they called a convalarium, and asked if there was any residents there that didn't have many visitors.  They directed me to Kitty's room, and I could see why.  She was fun and outgoing and would make a perfect grandma to our children. As I talked to her a while, telling her about my motive for being there - to adopt a grandma for my children.  And in the process, maybe we could help someone who might be lonely and would be willing to adopt a family.

Kitty confided in me that she did have a family who visited her regularly, and wondered why the personnel at the convalarium kept sending her more visitors when there were so many others who would love visitors.  She told us about an older woman in her seventies that never had a visitor.  She had a son whom she lived with in a trailer for a while.  Then one day he drugged her and just dropped her off on the doorstep to that facility.  He didn't bring any of her belongings ... not even her dentures, so she had no teeth to eat with.  I decided to go talk to her.  She was so excited to have a visitor and began talking non-stop.  Her name was Chloe and she was originally from Mona, Utah.   My ears perked up when I heard that because I was raised in Utah, and I knew where Mona was.  And maybe, just maybe she might be a member of the church.  When I brought up that possibility she grinned from ear to ear and began repeating the Articles of Faith.  She told me she was the black sheep of the family and had left home as a teenager and never went back.  She had lived a pretty rough life and felt that there wasn't any future for her ... just loneliness in that convalarium.  We had found our grandmother!

I brought the children to meet Chloe (and Kitty) the next Sunday and every Sunday after.  Although they were a little uncomfortable at first going to a place where there were some mentally ill patients who would be just babbling and sometimes yelling.  Others were just walking around and around the halls in wheelchairs or pushing walkers.  It was a little scary at first for them but soon they would say Hi to everyone they passed other way to Chloe's room.  She loved their visits.  We found out that she loved "bermuda's" (burritos) so we would bring her one when we came.  We would also bring her soft chocolate candy that she could eat.  We found out after a few visits that she had never been out of that facility since her son dropped her off, and he had never come to see her or to call.  We asked if we could take her out for rides or to a restaurant.  They said we could.  They also told us that she had some money that they were holding for her.  Although most of her Social Security money was taken to pay for her room, it was required that they some spending money had to be given to the patient.
Chloe knew nothing about that so she had accumulated a good amount of money.  She was so delighted.  And all the kids loved to go visit every week.  In fact, if for some reason we had to miss a Sunday the kids ... especially the younger ones, really complained. There was a wonderful relationship developing.

A few things we did with or for Chloe: took her shopping for some new clothes, took her to lunch (she alway insisted on paying because "now I have money of my own"), arranged for much needed
cataract surgery (it was paid for by medicare but nobody had taken care of it), took her to our home for special holidays and celebrations, took flowers to brighten up her room and just loved her. There were a few other things that involved my special seminary class.  My next post will continue, as I promised, to explain all the "specialty' of that seminary class which involved Chloe.

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One of the Most Challenging and Rewarding Four Years

Just before high school began in the fall of 1974, (Jeanie was a senior and Debbie a junior) I was called to be an early morning seminary teacher. I had always thought that teachers had to be gospel scholars, members of the CES (Church Educational System) or have some kind of teaching credential. I didn't even come close to any of those descriptions.  My first thought was: "They have to be desperate for teachers this year!"  But since I had never turned down a calling up to now, I reluctantly said yes.  I knew this was going to be extremely difficult since I still had five children at home, and now I would have to get up even earlier very early every single week day.  I felt that 6:00 a.m. was early.  But now I figured that now I would have to be up by ATough4:30 a.m., AND I would have to find time every day to study ... quiet and dedicated study.  Where would that time come from?  It couldn't be late at night when everybody was asleep because I had to get up so early.  It couldn't be during "nap time" because all the children were too old for naps.  The only time I would have was when the children were in school.  Lea, (our youngest) was now in first grade, and I was used to having that time for home duties and "running around" when I needed to.

One of the things that gave me some incentive to give this a try was that Jim and Rochelle would be starting high school and seminary in just another year, and since I would be teaching freshmen, I hoped I would able would to teaching two of my own children.  I would have to do good job for their sakes.  If I could at least make it through these next two years I would be happy.  That two years turned into four and it was one of my favorite assignments ever!  That is when I really learned the Gospel.  During those four years, I taught Book of Mormon,  Old Testament, New Testament, and Church History.  Included in the curriculum was teaching filing systems and beginning a personal file, scripture memorization and competitions, devotional thoughts presented by the students every morning, and teaching leadership skills.  It was quite a challenge having to prepare a lesson every single day while taking care of all the other things required in the curriculum AND a family.

That first year was a time of learning and organizing for me.  I was glad to teach freshmen because I could set the rules and do things my way and my students would believe that this was the "seminary way" in all the classes.  I had observed that by the time students and been in the seminary program for four years with four different instructors, they were not too inclined to be excited and attentive learners.  The first year went ok, but the second year students were a true "dream" class.  Most of the students were eager and excited to be there.  I had some who were extremely intelligent (my son was one of them) and wanted and needed to be challenged.  That was exciting for me, but required more work on my part.  In my next blog I will talk more about this class and what they accomplished.

I'm afraid this blog is a little boring because there are no fun stories to tell here.  The next one will include some stories and experiences with this class.  So stay tuned!

Benefits of Those High School Years.

There were some challenges during those high school years.  However, there were also some benefits.  Starting high school also meant starting early morning seminary (church sponsored religious classes).
Seminary started at 6:00 a.m. which meant getting tired kids up no later than 5:15 a.m., fixing breakfast, (which was often not eaten), packing lunches, and driving them to the church where the classes were held.  Because I had to drive them to school, it was not worth driving home and coming back in forty-five minutes, I just stayed.  For a while there were Institute classes (adult religious classes) held at the same time in the same church, which I would attend.  They didn't last too long because (I think) they were not too well attended, so it wasn't worth an instructor having to get up so early.  So to make use of the time I began walking and listening to tapes that Jim brought home from work on my "Walkman".  What is/was a Walkman? and what tapes did I listen to?

A "Walkman" was a small portable audio tape machine ... remember those small plastic reel to reel tapes and the players you needed to play them?   They came with head phones that could be attached to the player so you could listen while walking or running.  The sound was incredibly wonderful.  I had a lot of music and church talks on tapes to listen to (I still have a bunch of them).  But my favorite ones were a series of tapes Jim used when teaching at his work called
The walking enabled be to exercise every day - something II also used some of that time to begin keeping a journal.  I never had been very good at that and still am not.  But because of things that were happening in my life at that time (I will explain in a later post), I felt prompted and motivated to begin writing.  That writing began after the twins had started seminary.

When as seniors in high school both Jeanie and Debbie were honored as  Conejo Valley debutants.  When the word "debutante" comes to mind we think of "high society"and usually wealthy parents honoring the "coming out" into the society of their eighteen year old female offspring. This was not why debutantes in Thousand Oaks were honored.  They were chosen because of their service to their high school as well as in the community during their high school years.  Grades paid a part as well. They were recognized and honored at a special public program held at a local event center.  Yes, the girls had to wear white long dresses, but not the thousand dollar kind.  That would never have happened in my world.  I believe each of the girls made their own dresses.

By the time Jeanie graduated and went off to BYU, the twins had


            

Boys, Short Skirts, and Jeans, Oh My!

 Jeanie, Debbie, and Kathi were now in high school -  Jeanie a senior, Debbie a junior, and Kathi a freshman, having graduated from middle school as valedictorian.  Although I'm trying to make this blog my life story, this might be a good place to write about several experiences the girls had which affected me as well.  In some cases it was my doing that caused them.

When Jeanie started high school jeans were becoming the common and popular popular style for girls. Yes, that was denim blue jeans which had been worn by boys for years.  The new girl styles had no zipper.  Although girls had been wearing pants and pedal pushers for a while around the house or when working,  I had even been resisting those.  I wanted my girls to dress like girls.  That meant skirts and dresses.  You have to remember that being eighty four years old as I am writing this, puts me in a whole different generation, even in the 70's, when my older girls were in high school.  I finally yielded and let the girls wear dress pants or pant suits to school.  It wasn't long before I yielded to jeans ... only they had to be colored ones, not blue jeans.  (They were making white, red, pink jeans for girls at this time.  They would still wear skirts off and on.  But now if you chose to wear skirts they had to be the mini ones if you wanted to be like your peers.  Mini skirts were above the knee ... quite a bit above the knee.  They were a no no in my home.  You can understand that I was not a very popular mother!  How did the girls deal with a strict mom?  Each of them dealt in a different way ... kind of showing their individuality.  Jeanie, the intellectual one, didn't really care about fashion or conforming to style. Her peer group of friends were other intellectuals known by fellow students as "nerds".  They were happy in their world of math and science.   Clothes were definitely not on their priority list.  Debbie said, "I'm just going to be so nice and friendly to everyone that they won't care what I'm wearing.  Kathi just rolled up her skirts when she got to school.

I was so proud of Jeanie when as a junior (I think) refused to read a book assigned by her English teacher.  She started reading but realized the subject and language of that book was very offensive to her values.  The teacher's response to that declaration was, "You read it or you will fail this class."  You have to understand that grades were very important to Jeanie.  She was working towards a scholarship after graduation.  So far she had a 4.0 GPA.  Before we were even aware of this problem, Jeanie had gone to her counselor to seek redress.  Working with the teacher and the counselor, it was decided that she could not be failed for not reading, but she still would have to take the test on that book and her score would count toward her grade.  She agreed to this decision saying, "I'll just do so well in every other test I take in that class that when the averaged in with that one low grade it won't matter.  And she did!  Reluctantly the teacher had to give her and A in that class.  The great result of this incident was that the school from then on required all English classes to offer an alternative book to the one that had been required for years.  The book she refused to read?  "Catcher on the Rye".  And Jeanie did achieve her goal of graduating as valedictorian.

Of a course with high school come first "boy friends.  Sixteen was the age that we let the girls begin dating.  Jeanie did not date that much.  Her "boy friends" were friends who enjoyed intellectual pursuits, most of whom were boys. Boys were the ones usually into math and science.  Most social events were usually not even their radar ... especially the boys.  Jeanie was, and still is, a beautiful blonde.  So looks was never a problem.  She did have one real boyfriend in high friend who was not from her usual group of friends.  I think it helped her realize there were actually left-brained people in this world who were also very cool.  Debbie and Kathi (also really cute girls) had totally different personalities.  Debbie was very outgoing, friendly, and involved in school and community activities.  Being on the gymnastics team, working in student government, and as a volunteer for a national presidential campaign were just a few of her involvements.  And she was never lacking for dates.  She never did have a serious boyfriend, however.  We were thankful for that.  One of the great traumatic events in her life involved a boy from Woodland Hills.  I don't remember how they met, but this was a very special date that she was so excited about.  She had been invited to "Grad Night" at Disneyland.  The week before she had started to cough a lot and wasn't feeling very well although she would never admit it.  We took her to the doctor the day before the trip.  He diagnosed her with "walking pneumonia" and no way should she be staying out all night in those crowds at Disneyland.  We had to tell her she couldn't go.  As you can imagine, she was devastated.  She spent that night in her room crying.  Dad finally gave her a tranquilizer to calm her down and and to help her "feel better".  Her response was, "I don't want to feel better".  I don't think she has ever gotten over that.  On another date she came home "late" telling us that her date had forgotten his watch so they lost track of time.  Before she left on the next date with the same person, Jim took off his watch and handed it to her date.  I'm sure Debbie was mortified as her date responded, "I have my own watch tonight, Brother Mortensen".  Another time Jim asked a young man where they were going and at what time they would be home.  When he answered they were going to the beach, Jim answered that the returning time was too late for the beach - that there was nothing acceptable to do at the beach after dark.  It is a wonder that any of our girls ever got married.


Kathi was still a freshman at this time but the boys were already lining up waiting for her to turn sixteen.  She was a pretty girl, smart (she had a photographic memory), not focused that much on grades, very athletic and loved to be part of her peer group, even if it meant skipping school now and then.  She signed my name on student information cards (I never saw those cards) so it would match any excuse notes she wrote herself for absences.  I think it was about a year before I "caught on".  I was a little anxious about her becoming dating age, but I knew it would be inevitable.  It would be a continuing custom for quite a while to always set an extra place at the dinner table.  Somehow that would always be the time that the boys showed up to see one of the girls.  I wonder why?  I have to mention one more thing about dating that the girls hated.  Their dad had secret security status at his work which enabled him to do background checks.  When one of the girls started dating someone new, he would look up the name of his parents and check it out (probably illegal).  He would then tell our daughter a lot about his family before they even went out.  They would always ask, "How do you know?"  It was quite a while before they actually found out what he was doing.

Oh the "joys" of parents during those high school years!!!!

"Let's Go Out to Dinner" - The Four P's

Now to get back to where I was before I was prompted to write the last two posts.   Our family had grown to nine with the birth of Lea.  She was about 2 years old, Jon had just started school, the twins were just starting junior high school, and the three older girls were all in high school.  Needless to say I was keeping pretty busy doing what all full-time moms do ... chaffering, cooking, doing laundry, (lots of that), cleaning, packing lots of lunches, helping with homework, planning weekly family home evenings - a top priority (Jim wasn't much help), attending the kid's programs at school, going to parent-teacher conferences, working in the PTA, helping with science projects, canning fruit and vegetables, etc. etc.  Of course there were all the usual teenage "drama" with three girls in high school. Things were a little crazier than normal because of the wide age span between all the children.  Each age has its' own problems and challenges.

Jim was still serving in the bishopric, working hard to support his growing family.  He never wanted me to have to work, and neither did I.  I was willing to sacrifice luxuries and to be frugal with necessities so I could stay home and raise the family.  I felt that that was what God wanted me to do.
So it was of considerable concern when Jim came home after work one night and announced to the family that he had been laid off from his job.  The whole economy was struggling at that time and there were a lot of layoffs going on in the job market.  I was so proud of Jim when he gave us the news with a smile on his face.  He dispelled any doom and gloom among the family members by saying,  "Don't worry.  I'll find a job. Now let's all go out to dinner".  Going out to dinner was a special treat for the kids because we didn't do that very much (maybe McDonalds once in a while).  It was expensive to take our large family to a regular restaurant.  So out we went!

Finding a job was a lot more difficult than Jim expected even though he would really work at it.  He would get up every morning at the same time he was used to to go to work.  He would get dressed as ingoing to work (white shirt and tie ...he was an engineer), read the want ads in the paper circling any possibilities no matter how remote, look on line for any other possibilities, ask anyone he knew in the engineering field to let him know if there were openings they might be aware of and network as much as he could.  Weeks turned into months and it wasn't long before his separation pay was used up ... even though the bishop had asked him to use the money we had to pay the bills and to take church welfare aid for food.  We were very hesitant to do that.  We had always been self-sustaining.  But the bishop said he wanted his ward to see that even ward leaders may need help at times, and that was ok.
It was necessary to eliminate any "luxuries" from our life like trips or vacations, Debbie's dance lessons, movies, dinners out, etc.

After about six months, Jim took a job in Azusa - not an ideal job nor in an ideal location.  It was a two-hour drive from Thousand Oaks - no freeways.  But it once again brought in an income.  Our severance pay had run out.  Jim suffered through those four hours in the car every day while still looking for a better job.  It was real torture for him for the next four months.  Then his persistence and prayer paid off when he was able to get a job at Litton in Woodland Hills just twenty minutes away.  God does give us trials AND blessings,  The lessons learned during this trial were: positive attitude (dinner out), patience, persistence, prayers answered - the four "P's.

The Savior's Hand in my Life

It has taken a lifetime and a huge amount of hind sight to see how and when the Lord has been there to teach, to give me experience, to help me do difficult things, and support me when I was ready to just give up.  It has been since I began reviewing and reflecting on my life that I began to see a pattern of personal progression that directly related to my prayers for help, my making a concerted effort to draw closer to the Savior, to listen to promptings from the Holy Ghost, and to the many assignments and "callings" I have received over the years.  It has taken all these years to put he pieces of this puzzle together to see the picture of my life ... what my purpose in this life has been, and how Christ helped me realize that my disability was not who I was or who I could become.  Following are some of these puzzle pieces I finally put all together.

Prayers answered when I was a child

I learned at a young age that Heavenly Father was real ...  that he did hear and answer prayers.

So when I wasn't sure if I were marrying Jim for the right reason, God answered my prayer by

confirming that choice.  He knew whom I would need as a life long companion because he knew jim would be faithful through a difficult relationship.  He knew me.  He knew Jim.

Choosing Jim Mortensen to be my eternal companion

Why was this so important?  I'll explain.  Before I was married, I had not received a diagnosis of clinical depression.  I had had a lot of symptoms but thought that I was only "different" from others my age.  I guess I would have have been classified as a "nerd" back then.  I was intelligent but I really didn't recognize that.  I was expected to do well in school, and I tried to live up to that expectation.  I didn't have many friends and hardly any dates through High school.  I had low self esteem. It was hard for me to relate to people, and I always felt that no one could ever love me.  I felt unlovable.  When Jim showed an interest in me in high school and again when he graduated I first felt that this would be my only chance to be married.  Over the next few years I fell in love ... real love mostly through our letters while he was over seas in the Air Force.  We were married when he came home.  Why was this so important to me?  Because for the first time I felt loved!  (except from my parents)  The story of how we first met was in itself an unlikely occurrence, so I knew it had to be with divine intervention.  And even more important was the fact that Jim has always so loving and committed to me that he stuck with me during all those years when my depression would show its' ugly symptoms.  I honestly think that there are very few men who could live 64 years with any woman who had episodes of depression  that were many times directed at him.  He was one of those few.  And I still feel loved to this day.  God has guided us through this marriage, and I 'm looking forward to eternity with him when the depression will be gone.

God's faith and trust in me, in spite of my major disability, by placing eight of His precious children in my care with the responsibility of helping them be prepared to return home to Him
It was on a trip with five our children when we stopped at hotel kind of late in the evening to get something to eat.  The hotel was the only place in town that we could find a restaurant that was still  open.  We were all eating when we noticed as couple at another table watching us.  I looked at all the children to make sure they weren't doing something weird or gross as children can sometimes do while eating.  To my surprise, they were actually being very civil ... and relatively quiet.   I guess they were a little tired.  Anyway, as the couple were walking out they stopped by our table and said:  "What beautiful children.  And they are so well behaved".  I swallowed hard and said, "Thank you".  Immediately after that there came a voice in my mind that said: "This is your earthly mission ... to raise an exemplary family".  That word "exemplary" stood out to me.  What did that mean? I knew from that day on what I was put here on earth to do.  And I knew I was going to need help.  God knew it, too, because He knew of the problems I would continue to have even if I didn't at that time. So the rest of my life, as you will see, He was there to tutor and prepare me for that task.  I knew I would have to somehow control or hide all those dark feelings and negative impulses I would have at times from the children.  I wanted them to only see a happy mom who loved, taught and cared for them.  That was my life!

My calls to serve in a number of different "callings" over the years which I now know were inspired. 
You might notice how these assignments, which I reluctantly accepted, became my schooling and therapy to help me overcome, or just deal with, my many negative feelings and actions when depression would set in.  Can you see what the different experiences (actually they were opportunities) required of me?  Each one forced me to take another step forward.  These callings, was I have said, were my therapy,  my schooling.  I'm sure if you had been in my shoes you could imagine how each one in could help you overcome those negative symptoms I listed in the last post.  These are the callings I have had over the years (those that I can remember):

• Sunday School teacher - 5 yr. old children (Primary was during the week)
• Counselor in Young Women's organization (very short time)
• Primary teacher 9 yr. old girls (Merrie Miss)
• Primary teacher - 3 year old (Sunbeams)
• Primary chorister _ No, I wasn't a musician, but I could read music
• Primary teacher - 11 yr. old boys
• Relief Society teacher - Literature, Theology, Spiritual Living
• Primary President
• Stake Primary scout leader
• Relief Society counselor - three different times
• Early morning seminary teacher - 5 years
• Admissions Advisor for BYU - southern California
• Relief Society president
• Stake Relief Society president
• Two year mission with my husband to Moorpark Institute of Religion
• Visiting Teacher (ministering) for over fifty years
• Young Women's secretary when I was 75 years old.  I have to laugh at this one because I had said numerous times that the one calling I never ever wanted was to be a secretary ... of anything.  Well, I think the Lord must have thought, "You aren't going to get out of this world without the experience of being a secretary.  I'll bet He was laughing, too.

Was I "cured" of clinical depression?  No.  I still struggle with it almost every day - maybe even a little more often than in earlier years.  Maybe that is because  I have less distractions in my life to focus and work on.  But all these experiences in my life have taught me these important truths:

1. I know I am loved.
2. I  know I have worth, talents, and capabilities.
3. I have less fears in social situations - can communicate intelligibly though with some anxiety still.
4. I can be a leader if I surround myself with strong and capable people whom I can depend on if or when some of those depressive tendencies creep up on me.
5. I am good at organizing, but still struggle with implementing my plans without help.
6. I usually can control or change my feelings of sadness, irritability or anger.  But they do sneak up on me from time to time.  (I'm afraid Jim takes the brunt of things when it happens).  But he has learned SO well how to be kind and forgiving when it happens.  He has learned to say, "I know this isn't you.  It's the depression.
7. I still have trouble with thinking clearly, concentrating, and forgetfulness, but I blame those things on old age.
8. I do not have thoughts of suicide, but God knows I am ready to die whenever He feels it is my time.  I have no fear of death.
9. I still have sleeping problems, but now I don't think it is because of depression.  I just  had a sleep study which I hope will identify the causes.  (No results, yet).
10. I accept my weakness and shortcomings without guilt.  I just repent and keep working.

All in all, I accept who I am while still trying to become better for as long as I live.  I am proud of all my children and what they have become.  I feel I can meet my Savior and report with all sincerity that I have accomplished my mission.  Jim and I have raised an "exemplary" family.  I am now looking forward to eternity with my sweetheart, surrounded by those whom I love so much.

Weak Things Can Become Strengths

I don't even know how to begin this post.  When (and if) you ever read this you will wonder why I am departing from the continuity of my l last post.  All I can tell you is that I have been having this constant feeling ever since I was prompted to go back to writing.  That feeling was regarding what my next blog should be.  I just kept ignoring it because it didn't make sense to me why I should put the discovery of how the Savior has worked in my life in the middle of my life's story.  I intended to use this near the end.  After writing the last three posts, that feeling became even stronger ... " Write that experience  NOW!"   Maybe I will never get to the end of my history in this blog, and God wants my personal testimony written down.  Maybe my eyesight will fail even more.  Maybe my brain will complete go to pot.  Or maybe it will be my hands that will fail me.  They already don't want to do what I want some of the time.  I never was a great typist and if I lose more of my limited ability I may not be able type in the short future.  Whatever the reason, I will listen to the Spirit and and do what He "says". So here goes:

This experience has been a part of my life beginning in my early thirties. That was when I began wondering why I felt depressed quite frequently.  I am aware that everyone gets depressed off and on in their lives brought on by a traumatic event, discouragement, or just plain stress.  I wasn't too concerned at the time because it would go away after a few days.  When it would happen I'd try to think of some reason why I felt depressed, but most of the time I couldn't think of anything.  So I just went on with my life, trying to keep a smile on my face, doing all my daily chores as best I could and trying to hide my feelings from the children.  This went on for quite a while until the episodes would last longer and be more frequent.

I decided to get an appointment with our family doctor, Dr. Fingerle, whom I really loved and trusted.    I had been hearing of a new antidepressant drug called prozac and hoped that it might help me.  Dr. Fingerle gave me a prescription which I took faithfully for a month (or maybe longer).  I felt no change in my feelings.  Thinking this was the only drug available for depression I figured there was nothing else I could do.  Remember that was over 50 years ago when mental health was seldom even discussed and if it was it would be with feelings of guilt or embarrassment.  I got pretty good at holding everything in, putting on my "happy face" in spite of what I was feeling and waiting until I was alone to "lose it" which meant doing a lot of crying.

Fast forward about 30 years when my daughter was having some major trauma in her life and had a near "breakdown".  She was smart enough to see a psychiatrist who gave her some medication called zoloft which really helped her.   Knowing that I had been suffering for years from depression she talked me into seeing Dr. Azad, the psychiatrist.  I was diagnosed with clinical depression which is a major depressive disorder.  You don't just "snap out" of this kind of depression.  I found out that there are many different medications for depression available.  But there is no test to see what works for you.  It is by trial and error to find the right one.  After a number of trials they finally came up with one that worked for me.  I could really tell a difference when I took that medication.  I have been on it ever since.  I have also attended counseling on and off when I had bad episodes and needed extra help.

I just want to list the symptoms which occur most of the day,  nearly every day when you have one of these "down" episodes just so you know what I have had to go through many times.

• feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, or hopelessness
• angry outbursts, irritability, or frustration, even over small matters
• loss of interest or pleasure in most normal activities
• sleep disturbances
• tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• reduced appetite or increased cravings 
• anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• slowed thinking
• feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things
• frequent or recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
• physical problems (back pain, headaches)

Fortunately these kind of episodes have become less and less and last only a day or two instead of weeks.  Definitely the pills and the counseling have helped a lot.  I now know strategies that help me either eliminate or get through these episodes.  Depression can have a genetic disposition.  It seems to have affected a number of my family.  Maybe that is one reason for being prompted to write this post.  But a second reason may be how this "weakness" has affected my own life and how the Savior has intervened to help this weakness become a strength.  One of my favorite scriptures is found in the book of Ether in the Book of Mormon.  Quote: "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble;
and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." I know now why I have loved that scripture for  such a long time. I'm ending this post here because it is getting so long.  My next post will continue on by telling just how the Lord taught and prepared me to have a productive and happier life in spite of this major disability.  So tune in!

Women Aren't Welcome Here

It's amazing (but maybe very common in the church) how fast we can adjust to change even when that change comes much sooner than we may expect.  I was comfortable teaching the boys in Primary  each week and Relief Society once a month.  Maybe that was the problem.  I was getting too comfortable.  But I wasn't quite ready for an extreme change.  I was called to be Primary president.  I just couldn't see myself being a leader ... of anything.  I had been a counselor before in several other organizations but never president.  I have always been uncomfortable interacting with people,  but I learned to handle smaller numbers.  And I did enjoy teaching because it gave me the opportunity to learn.  You've heard it said that a teacher learns more than her/his students.  That is so true.  I had learned how the scouting program works and I had two boys coming up who would soon be in that organization, so that knowledge would be very helpful.  Teaching doctrinal lessons in Relief Society helped me to better understand the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I'm sure I would learn additional skills (specifically leadership skills and how to survive working with large groups of people even if most of them would be children).  I did love children and had had some experience with my own "gaggle" of them.   So I just dove in and tried to let the Spirit guide me as to what I should do.  About my only achievement was organizing for the first time a centralized filing system for visual aids to be used for each class.  Before, each teacher received a packet  of aids for her class that came from Salt Lake.  The aids would get lost over the year and would have to be re-ordered.  Now they would check out what they needed each week and then return them to our central primary "library".  It worked out great.  Wouldn't you know, the next year the church changed its' library system to include all visual aids.  We had the idea first.  (not really).

When Jim was called into the bishopric of our ward,  I was customarily released from Primary.  But because I had had experience now with scouting and the primary program I was quickly grabbed up by the stake Primary.  Back in those days the stake primary presidency include a scout leader. That was my calling. I was called to be the scout director for the Primary.  As I mentioned previously, not only were the cub scouts under the direction of the Primary but also the Guide Patrol,  the 11year old regular scouts.  But now they wanted me to get the same formal training as prospective scout masters. I think they thought that would give me more "legitimacy" when training new scout leaders in the Primary. That was part of my new calling.   This was really intimidating because most of the leaders of the 11 year old scouts were men.  And ... women had never been included in district held Scout Master training.

You should have seen the look on the faces of those aspiring Scout Masters when I walked into that class that first night.  They told me that I was in the wrong class on the wrong night ... that cub scout training was on a different night.  When I said I wasn't here for Cubs ... that I was here for Scout Master training, some men started laughing while the teacher of the group politely informed me that women were not allowed to be Scout Masters.  Even when I tried to explain how the LDS program of scouting worked, and that I would only be teaching scouting skills,  he  hesitantly let me stay while he "looked into the matter'.

The first thing I realized was that I needed a uniform.  But only blue Den Mother's ones were available.  So I made a skirt in the proper color, bought a a size  "small" mens shirt,  and added the necessary scout masters decals.  At that first meeting we were divided into patrols.  Of course nobody wanted me in their patrol.  When I offered to make the patrol flag for any patrol that would take me, I received several offers.  I don't think they really thought I would follow through or even show up at the next meeting because I had been so humiliated .  But show up I did with the most awesome flag of any other patrol.  I was now getting my foot in the door.  Each meeting after that I brought homemade cookies, cinnamon rolls, and speciality cakes and breads.  I  volunteered to make or bring anything my patrol was assigned.  By now my petrol loved me and all the rest were jealous.  I finished my training and still have a certificate to prove it.  I still may be the only trained woman "Scout Master" in the church.

I was now also responsible for the Cub Scout program in our stake. That included organizing and carrying out a yearly day camp for these boys.  When I tried to find some guidelines for these camps or perhaps someone who knew what had been done in the past, I came up empty.  So I had to start from scratch.  I talked to other stakes, to mothers of cubs and to my fellow presidency members.  All they could tell me was that it was different every year.  So..... I developed my own ideas as to what a day camp should be for young aspiring scouts.  And I did put all my plans, including maps and names of potential qualified and experienced men that could be asked to help into book form.  At least there would be one reference book that could be used another year.  I later learned that that book became the standard guide for all future day camps in that stake.  I'm not bragging.  I just realized that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ uses whatever talents we my have to further Their work.  I am an organizer.  I love order and I love to organize things .... anything.  Just ask Jim.  He hates it!!!

One of the perks of this calling was that once a year I was able to go to Salt Lake at conference time where they gave training sessions during the week before conference for all stake leaders of all the various organizations in the church.  I don't remember how I was able to get away from family responsibilities in order to go, but I really did enjoy being with all the sisters in these sessions.  Oh, yes.  nI just remembered that my older girls would have been in high school at this time so I had "built in" baby sitters.

Life Brings Changes, Growth, and Humor

The next five years in Thousand Oaks brought many new experiences in my life which gave me opportunities to learn and grow.  My main focus at this time was my family and trying to be a better mom.  I worked harder at having quality Family Home Evenings.  With seven children now ranging in age from a a new baby to those dreaded teenagers it was hard to reach them all.  Jeanie and Debbie were now in high school having graduated from Waverly Junior High school (Jeanie was valedictorian.  Kathi was in sixth grade and Jon had started kindergarten.  That left me at home with just the baby for at least part of the day.  This gave me an opportunity to attend the traveling "Education Weeks" which were held in California in areas where there were a large number of church members.  They were kind of like the education weeks now held on the BYU campus every year only on a smaller scale.  These usually lasted 2 or 3 days, and you could attend classes you were interested in.  I loved these opportunities to learn more about the church.  When one was being held in the San Fernando valley, about twenty miles from our home, I decided to take Lea and go.  I packed her up in her carrier, took extra bottles just in case I couldn't find a time or place to nurse her, and took off for the day.  I didn't know how this was going to work but I took a chance.  I wasn't disappointed.  Lea was SO good through all the classes so I was even able to take notes.  Dad and I also took the opportunity to attend the monthly "Know Your Religion" series which were held in stake centers in the evening.  I loved learning all I could about the church and my testimony grew from these opportunities.

A great tradition was established during those first years in Thousand Oaks.  The bishop in our ward arranged a campout for the all the members of our ward  Every summer he would reserve a camp sight at Lopez Lake, a resort about 150 miles away.  We went that first year and every year after.  But that was only the beginning.  When the ward quit going, the Mortensens did not.  Our family loved to camp, and as the resort grew and grew with boat rentals, waterslide, and slack lines added our family grew and grew with it.  At first we would rent a "patio" boat for our family until it no longer held our growing family.  We have been going every year to Lake Lopez for the past 48 years and counting.
Those now attending range from the 60 to 70.  About ten years ago we buried a time capsule at the lake which we will did up on our 50th anniversary.  I just hope I will still be around.  I hope to do a whole posting on just our experiences at Lake Lopez over the years.  So many wonderful memories.

I just have to include some humor in this post.  I hate to read boring histories that are more like travelogues.  So .... I cannot help but laugh even now when I recall this incident.  It began when we decided to buy a few chicks with the idea of having our own eggs and even some home grown dinners.  Dad had had a lot of experience killing and preparing chickens for eating in his youth.  That last idea soon came to an end when the kids started naming all the chicks.  I only remember one of those names which was, "Roadrunner".  They loved playing games with the those chicks until they grew into hens and one rooster.  It was that rooster who soon became a problem.  He would roost at night in the tree in our back yard right in back of our bedroom.  Do roosters crow early in the morning?  Yes!!  And sometimes all night.  It was one of those "sometimes" nights that my husband could not sleep because that rooster would not stop crowing.  I could only watch as he jumped out of bed, and dressed only in his underwear, he ran outside, climbed up that tree, grabbed the rooster by the neck, shook him violently five or six times while yelling, "shut up you dumb rooster" (or something even worse), then threw him to the ground.  Needless to say that rooster ended up on our Sunday dinner table.  The boys favorite part of this incident was when Dad chopped of the roosters head and talked him into letting go of its' legs.  You don't have to guess why they thought that this was "cool".

Answers and Blessings Come

I left you hanging in that last post for a long, long time ( 6 years).  If you have been trying to follow this blog I'm sure by now you have just given up.  I won't try to explain or make excuses, but the Spirit has been prompting for quite some time to  "get with it again" or I will be running out of time.  When the Spirit speaks I try to listen.  So now my history, which is contained in this blog, has become a priority.  My eyesight is going as is the mobility in my hands, not to mention my brain which is losing cells at an accelerated pace.

Now to get back to that last post in which I left you hanging.  It ended with Jon, now about 4 years old, asked me question about the baby I was caring for at the time.  He loved that little baby and cried every time her mother came to pick her up.  Now for that question which he asked.  One day when that baby went out the door he turned to me and asked, "How can we get a baby we can keep?"  How could I answer that question when doctors had told me after the twins were born that I would never be able to conceive again because of medical issues.  We had been blessed to have Jon join our family because of a special blessing Jim (my husband) had been given when he was "set a part" as new elders quorum president in our ward.  Because of that miracle we named him Jon which means "Gift from God."                                                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                                                                                     The answer which I gave to Jon's question answer was, "We'll have to ask Heavenly Father" to which he said,  "Let's go ask Him right now".  What do I do?  I certainly didn't want to destroy the innocent faith he had that God does answer prayers.  He'd learned that in Primary.  Did I have the faith that Jon had?  Now I had to test it.  So we went together to the bedroom,  knelt beside the bed and Jon said a simple prayer asking God for a baby sister "in the name of Jesus Christ."

What was the result of this child's prayer?  Nine months later we were blessed with new baby girl whom we named Lea Rae.  After her birth neither I nor any one in the family could call her "my baby" or "our baby".  If we did,  Jon would say, "She's not your baby.  She's my baby.  You didn't pray for her.  I did."  From then on Lea was his baby and he showed it by the way he doted over her.  But she was blessing to our whole family.


Note:  As long as it has taken me to write this short posting, I will have to live to be 100 years old to finish the history of my life in this blog.  But I'm going to keep going as long as I can.

Life Begins in Thousand Oaks

As I return back to my history, we had just moved to Thousand Oaks, California. The community at this time was relatively small, about thirty-five thousand. We liked that. The house we rented was older, but quite adequate for our family. I only wished it had had a family room ... then it would have been perfect. Well maybe not quite perfect because I really hated trying to keep that antiquated asphalt tile in the kitchen clean and shiny. It required a lot of scrubbing, waxing, stripping, and then more scrubbing, and waxing. It was a pain.

We liked the schools, and the ward where we attended church. There were only two wards there in the Conejo Valley (the valley where Thousand Oaks was located) and our stake center was in Simi Valley, over the hill. The first calling in the ward that I received was a teacher of the Guide Patrol which were the eleven-year-old boys in Primary. They were actually out of Cubs and in the regular scouting program once they turned eleven. However, the regular scouting program was under the direction of the Young Men's organization, and boy didn't graduate into that program until they were twelve. So they remained under the direction of the Primary. This was different from what the local councils and scout executives were used to, and they never quite understood what the "Mormon" church was doing to the scouting program. So I not only taught scouting skills but, but the teachings of the Articles of Faith which the boys had to memorize before they graduated. At that time Primary was held on a week day and was longer in length than it is now, so I was able to get it all in. This was my first exposure to the scouting program, and I loved it. Just a short time later I was also called to teach the "Theology" lesson once a month in Relief Society. Relief Society was also held on a weekday at that time.

Shortly after we moved to Thousand Oaks I became acquainted with a young sister who had recently given birth to a baby girl. She was a school teacher by profession and was anxious to get back to work, but needed day care for the baby. She asked if I would consider it, and I accepted. I figured a little extra spending money couldn't hurt, and it had been over three years since I had the fun of a new baby in the house. Jon was the only one home during the day as all the other children were in school. So he became my "big helper". Oh, how he loved that baby!

Every day he would cry when the mom came to pick her up. It was at one of these frustrating moments that he turned to me and asked me a question ... a question that not only took me by complete surprise, but one that I didn't know how to answer. I needed help.

So Blessed

It's been a long dry spell of blogging for me. It's time to get started again, especially since it was one of my New Year's resolutions. And in just two days it will be May. A little slow getting started I would say. But before I continue with writing about my life, I have to write about this incredible month of April, 2011, in which I experienced so many blessings and so many answers to prayers. Some of these are:

• My recovery from one of the longest bouts of depression that I have had in a long, long, time. SO grateful for that.
• Relevant messages received from latter day prophets at the General Conference of the Church in April. So many seemed directed just to me.
• The celebration of the atonement and resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ. The realization of His great sacrifice and His love for me was so real and meaningful to me this year ... more so than I can remember in the past. I am so grateful to Him.
• The successful surgery on my little great grandson, Brayden, who suffers from leukemia. What an amazingly brave little guy he is. And what dedicated and loving parents he has, especially since there are three other small children in the home who need their love and attention as well.
• The passing of a very critical test by our daughter, Rochelle, who had so little time to study and tried to keep the Lord and family first in her order of priorities. Why am I not surprised that she passed this test with relative ease. She will testify that her performance was beyond her own expected abilities. Prayers were answered.
• A new great grandson, Lennox, born and two baby great granddaughters, Abby and blessed.
• A great granddaughter, Nicole, baptized.
• A grandson, Jared, and his wife, Ashley, both graduating from Brigham Young University.
• A new grandson joining the family through adoption. The long and tedious process of adopting children from Ethiopia had recently become more difficult because of new restraints and red tape. Again, I believe, it was through family prayers the Dagim slipped through as one of the last to avoid these new restrictions. Our new grandson should be in his new home with Len and Kathi in about a month. We are excited to welcome him home and into our family in about a month. Another special blessing.
• A special dream I had which I knew was not JUST a dream, but a warning from our Father in Heaven regarding our family. We all know the evils and the lack of integrity that surrounds us all in these latter days. This is Satan's last chance to gather souls to his cause. No one, no family is exempt from his efforts, including ours. We need to be watchful and diligent in teaching and being proper role models for members of our family. We are being targeted and we will be vulnerable if we begin to yield to even the smallest of temptations or compromise, even a little bit, the teachings of the restored gospel. This is how Satan gets his foot in the door. We must remain valiant in being true disciples of Christ and in raising righteous families. And that begins with me.
• My wonderful, awesome, sensational, family. No greater blessing than that! Love you all.

Thousand Oaks - Our New Home

It was the end of summer of 1969 when we began looking for a home close to Canoga Park where Jim had been transferred. We had been successful in selling our home in Novato which had been left in such bad shape. We were not able to make any profit on the house due to the cost of repairs and realtor fees, so we knew we would have to rent again even though we had been paying on that house for five years. That experience led me to resolve that I would always leave any home we rented in better condition than when we moved in.

We really didn't want to live in the San Fernando valley which would have been closest to Jim's work because it was hot, crowded and costly. So we began looking in the Conejo Valley, further north and west. Development was just beginning to "take off" there so it was still considered somewhat rural. We liked that, and it was still only about a 30 minute drive for Jim. That wasn't too bad for California where people were used to long commutes in order to live in nicer communities. With all the kids in tow, we began looking in Simi Valley, a newer small city. It was nice, but there weren't too many places to rent, especially to a family with 6 children. We were getting a little discouraged and the children were getting tired of being in the car as we drove from place to place. So we stopped at a little store to get them snacks and drinks and to let them run around. In the store we began talking to a man and mentioned we were looking for a place to rent without much success. Well, to make a long story short, this man mentioned that he had just bought a new home in Thousand Oaks (the next community over the hill from Simi Valley) and was looking to rent his current home, also in Thousand Oaks and he didn't seem too reluctant to rent to a family of 8. I guess it was because the home had 5 bedrooms. We were able to rent that home at a ridiculously low price, and it just "felt" right. Our prayers had been answered.

It was a few weeks before we were able to move in, and school was about to start, so we moved into a motel. The kids loved that because there was a swimming pool. The first thing they did when we arrived was put on their swim suits and head for the pool, with little Jon (who was now just 3 years old) and us right behind. All of the older children had taken swimming lessons and were pretty much water safe, so they just ran and jumped into the pool. All of a sudden we watched in horror as Jon ran right after them and jumped into the pool, clothes and all. It only took seconds for Jim to jump in after him, fully clothed as well, to haul out a sputtering and choking little boy. It was time to get Jon some swimming lessons.

The next few weeks were a little crazy taking Jeanie and Debbie to Waverly Junior High School and Kathi and the twins to Glenwood Elementary school and then picking them up after school every day. We were looking forward to moving into what would be our home for quite a few years on Dryden Street in Thousand Oaks. And best of all, we loved Thousand Oaks!

Saying good-bye to Huntington Beach

Random memories associated with our 2 years in Huntington Beach include:

* Being a "widow" with 6 kids much of the time

* Kathi's beginning love affair with guinea pigs & learning that they can't be left out in the

sun very long (especially if they are black)

* Young Jim's love affair with books (or most likely his love of competition)

* Debbie's continuing love of dancing and dancing lessons (she was getting good!) She even

gave lessons to the neighbor kids on our back patio.

* Jeanie's special friendship with Stephanie, our blind next door neighbor

* Rochelle, the quiet achiever in school, great reader and student, but not as competitive as

Jim.

* A little two-year-old boy on his seagull-decorated tricycle, dressed as a cricket, riding in

the 24th of July Primary celebration.

* A visit from my good friend, Irene Laycock, who came from Novato to do a

Primary workshop for our teachers.

* A trip back to Novato by myself to speak at a Primary workshop for her. I drove

all the way without getting lost. Those who know me know that that is a near miracle.

* Spending a lot of money buying our first encyclopedias, Childcraft, and Science Year books

We wanted our children to have good books available to help them with school work.

* Discovering that renters rarely take care of someone else's property. I'm talking about our

home back in Novato that we rented. When Jim drove there to check on it he found it a

wreck, so we decided to fix it up and put it on the market.

After two years in Huntington Beach, Jim received a change of responsibility at Hughes, and a transfer to the facility in Canoga Park. He would no longer be the director over field engineering which meant no more long-distance traveling ... Yea! He was made a supervisor over design requirements for missiles and missile launchers being used in the Vietnam war. So here we go again ... another move. But this time we had the hope that this move would be a permanent one.

Another Test of Faith

SUNDAY, AUGUST 29, 2010

I was not the only one to have a church leadership problem in Huntington Beach. I only include these negative experiences because I want anyone who reads this blog, especially my family, to know that we all have experiences in this life that could test our testimony of the truth if we let them. Priesthood leaders are not perfect. They make mistakes. But we can either let these weaknesses drive us away from Christ and His church or we can learn to be understanding, compassionate, and patient as we all grow in the gospel.

This was a challenge that Jim had while he was serving as Young Men's president. The incident took place at a fathers and sons outing where the traditional planned balloon fight was in progress. The boys and their leaders were all involved, having a great time when someone noticed that not a single member of the stake presidency was participating in the activity. Instead, they were all sitting and visiting in their nice dry trailer in which they had camped. The boys AND their leaders decided it was time for them to get a little wet like the the rest of them. Knowing Jim, I'm sure he was right there helping to make this decision. He has been known to throw the first balloon at any such event. But instead of balloons, they were waiting with buckets of water as they called out to the stake president in his camper. But it was his counselor that opened the door and stepped out. The Jim and his counselor let him have it with buckets of water and took off running. The not-so-happy counselor began chasing and yelling at them. As he ran, he stumbled and fell, bruising his pride. Now he was REALLY mad. He got up, stood in the bed of a nearby truck, and yelled at the boys, fathers and their leaders in not-so nice language that if anyone threw one more balloon that he would "beat them within an inch of their life." The boys were shocked at that response, as were the leaders, and most of them and their fathers packed up and went home. This annual fathers and sons camping experience was ruined.

It was a month or so later that Jim went in for his temple interview, and wouldn't you know, it was this counselor who did the interviewing. When he was asked if he had any bad feelings toward any priesthood leader, he responded that he had problems with him, the counselor, and he told him why. He told him that he thought his language and actions were unworthy of a stake priesthood leader. Not knowing what to do, the counselor sent him to see the Stake President.

It was at the next stake conference that is leader humbled himself enough to apologize to all the members of the stake, especially the boys, for his inappropriate behavior. Jim was able to raise his arm to sustain this man, and thereafter held no grudges. That was humbling for him as well.

As I said, we can learn from these kinds of experiences, or we can become bitter and resentful. But I choose to not let anyone, not even my priesthood leaders, destroy my testimony or drive me away from the Church. Christ is perfect and His church is true. That I cannot and will not deny for any reason. And I know Jim feels the same way.

Challenging Times

The two years we spent in Huntington Beach had some difficult times for me. I think the hardest part was having Jim gone so often on business/training trips. Some were in the states (Florida and Hawaii were two that I remember) but others were in the far east. I remember Florida and Hawaii because I really wanted to go with him. But there were always money concerns and where could I find anyone that would take on six kids for a week. I didn't even have the nerve to ask anyone. There were times like this that I missed having a mom.

The longest trip he took was to the far east with stops in Hawaii, the Philippines, Thailand and Vietnam where there were military bases. Hughes Aircraft Company made the aircraft-launched missiles and electronic counter measure equipment that were then being used in the Vietnamese War that was in progress at that time. Jim supervised about 50 men working for Hughes Aircraft Company who were stationed at various military bases to support that equipment. He went to all those bases to see that proper and adequate support was taking place. He came back with stories of being shot at and trying to sleep with mortars exploding all around him in Vietnam. Being on a "noncombatant" status didn't make any difference to the Vietcong. He was an American. He spent time in Thailand where he was able to attend a small branch one Sunday. When he walked in, he was immediately asked to speak. I think they were glad to have someone new to listen to that Sunday even without any preparation. That alone was a rewarding experience.

This trip lasted a LONG six weeks. The children and I really missed him and looked forward to his frequent letters. I know he was missing us, too, because if you know Jim, he doesn't write letters ... that is unless he has a REALLY good reason.

One other experience while living in Huntington Beach had a traumatic effect on me. Momories of that event still come back to haunt me at times. I guess it is because it was one of the few negative experiences I have ever had in a relationship with a church leader. In this case it happened to be our bishop. Any of you who know me know that I am an introver by nature, so it is very difficult for me to talk to those who are not really close, especially about any problem I may be dealing with. In this case I was struggling with whether or not to accept a calling that had been extended to me. I rarely had turned down any calling, but in this case I had some real concerns. I had been working in Primary since we arrived, and now I had been asked to be in the presidency. What bothered me was that I had six children, including a one-year-old, Jim was gone so much of the time, and I already seemed overwhelmed and stressed much of the time with all my current responsibilities. I just didn't feel like I could take on any more, and yet I felt guilty in not accepting the calling which came at a time when Jim was not there to counsel with me. I did talk to the counselor over Primary and he sugtgested that I talk to the Bishop. So I followed his which was a very difficult thing for me to do. In fact this was the first time I had ever gone to a bishop with a personal problem. I explained to him my situation and the struggle I was having knowing the right thing to do. Then came the answer from him that shook me so badly that I couldn't even respond, and that has had an effect on me to this day. His only response was, "I don't know what you want me to do about it. I can't play God!" It was SO not what I expected to hear from a bishop. I have never since talked to a bishop about any problem in my life, and I probably never will due to that experience. I need to add, that I know that we are all human and we all have bad days ... even leaders in the church. Unfortunately, we are all that God has to work with. It was a few years later that I saw on television that this bishop, who was an educator, had been arrested for child molestation. I now understand what a burden of guilt he must have been carrying during those years he was a bishop. No wonder he lacked the spirit that a bishop so desperately needs in carrying such a difficult load. By the way, I accepted the calling, and it was a rewarding experience.

More about Huntington Beach

Making new friends has always been difficult for me and caused some anxiety when we moved to Huntington Beach. But one neighbor who lived right next door became and instant friend. I wish I could remember her name. This is one of the most frustrating things about getting old ... memory loss. And it is names of people that seem to go first. Anyway, she was very special in today's world where personal or family isolation is the preference of many. She was the first to introduce herself and welcome us to the neighborhood. She was deaf so her speech was a little difficult to understand, but you surely couldn't misunderstand her friendliness and genuineness. Those didn't require words. She had a daughter, Stephanie, who was Jeanie's age and who was blind. Stephanie and Jeanie became best friends. They would walk to school together every day, and Jeanie was amazed at how little help she needed to navigate her way there and around the campus. The whole family learned so much from these special neighbors about overcoming challenges and being happy and productive in spite of difficulties. I will always remember that it was this neighbor who was first to be there to help with the children and bring in food when I got the worst case of the flu that I had ever had. And, of course, it was when Dad was away on a trip.

One special thing about about living in Huntington Beach was that we got lots of company. I wonder if that could have been because we lived very near Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, two big and popular amusement parks. We had friends come from Novato, and family from Utah. Of course, they were welcome to stay with us as long as they didn't mind sleeping on the couch or in sleeping bags on the floor. The children were always willing to give up their beds to company because they loved "camping out" on the floor or outside in a tent. And making this "sacrifice" often meant an invitation to one or more of the children to join the family on their excursions. This got a little too expensive for us because we refused to have company pay their expenses. And besides, how many times can you go to Disneyland before coming bored? Now that was a dumb question!

Jim's callings in the Church were first, Sunday School presidency, and second, Young Men's president. Working in the Sunday School was pretty routine, but working with the Young Men was a different story. Teenage youth come with a lot of their own challenges, but when you add trying to enforce church standards at their activities the difficulties are multiplied. The stake dances were the worst. Until Jim got involved, most of the adult leaders were afraid to follow church guidelines for fear the youth would stop coming to the dances. Because they had allowed loud and improper music, no dress code, and little or no security at the doors, there had been incidents of violence and even a stabbing. When the latter happened the dances were shut down. Enter Jim into the program!!! Those of you who know Jim (husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, friend, etc.) know that he has no problem dealing with unruly and uncooperative "kids". He has no problem enforcing rules and upholding standards. And he has no problem with not being popular or adored by the youth. He DOES have a problem with adults who are too weak to do what they know is right. With his influence and direction the dances were restored (with all standards and guidelines in place and enforced) and guess what? The kids actually attended in large numbers and there were no more serious problems.

Life was not all wonderful in Huntington Beach. It seems that no matter where you go in this world and in this life, there will always be challenges and difficulties. That is just a part of life ... but an important part. What we learn from life's experiences and how we apply what we learn, determines how much we grow and progress along the road to eternal happiness. And that is what our goal should be. In the end, that is all that really matters.

Huntington Beach

The move to Huntington Beach was as uneventful as a move can be. The children were young enough not to be inseparably attached to friends. They adjust easily to new circumstances and make new friends pretty easily. It was not so easy for me. I am, by nature, not an outgoing person, and it takes me a while to make friends. It seems that when I do begin establishing some close relationships, we move. In Novato it was Lorna Burdette, Irene Laycock, Betty Schmidt and our neighbor, Wanda Dunn, that had become those close friends. It was hard to leave and start all over. I have often wished that I could be like those little children who immediately attach themselves to others their own age. Another difficult thing for me was that we had to leave Prince behind with a friend because we failed to ask our new landlord if we could have a dog. We did get permission for an "outside" dog which Prince was, and we had him flown to L.A. Boy, was he glad to see his family when we picked him up at the airport!

That fall, the five older children started school. It was so convenient for me that all of them were able to walk the short distance to the local elementary school. Jeanie was in sixth grade, Debbie in fifth, Kathi in third and the twins in first. The school was pretty progressive for which we were pleased. I was especially happy with the stress that was put on reading in the first grade. The children were challenged to read as many books that they could that first year, and I wasn't surprised that Jim took up the challenge and read the most books in the whole first grade. He has always been very competitive. I don't remember how many books he read (or how many trips we took to the library) but it was a LOT!!

Huntington Beach was a fast growing new community and the Church had not been able to keep up with growth. We did have a stake in the area with five wards but only one building. That was interesting! Four wards met in that building, and one met in a rented warehouse. I was called almost immediately into the Primary, teaching one of the three Merry Miss girl's classes (9 to 12-year olds). At the time Primary was held on a weekday after school which meant I had to take baby Jon with me. The older five children were all in Primary classes, Jeanie in her last year. It wasn't unusual on Wednesday to load up the VW bus with 12 to 15 children to take them to the church because many of the children didn't have rides. I'm sure it wasn't too safe, but not against the law because there were now seat belt laws. As long as all the children were able to sit, it was legal. And you could pack a lot of little children onto three rows of seats.

One of the positive things that came out of that calling was that I learned to knit. Knitting, crocheting and simple embroidery were part of the Merry Miss program. I could crochet and embroider, but I had never learned to knit. One of the other teachers taught me simple knit and pearl before I had to t each the girls, and I even made Rochelle a little pink sweater - the one and only thing I ever knit.

Going to the beach was one of the favorite things to do in the summertime. All of the kids loved it, and it was one of the things that we could do on the spur of the moment since we were only about five minutes away. It wasn't unusual for daddy to come to an empty house, but he always knew where he could find us. However, Dad traveled a lot with his new position at work, so going to beach also killed a lot of lonely time. AND I could get by with just fixing Mac and Cheese for the children for dinner, so we could stay longer. More of Dad's travels later.

So went our first year in Huntington Beach. We loved the community, and we had some great neighbors, which helped a lot when Dad was gone. More of Huntington each in my next blog.

A New Adventure Begins

It's been three or four blogs back that I introduced our "miracle baby", Jon. Every new baby is truly a miracle, but Jon was a special gift that I never expected. We were happy for another boy so that Jim would now have a brother to play "boy" things with, even if he was five years younger. Sisters are great, but four of them (three of them older) can be a little uncooperative when a guy wants to play cars, or cowboys, or guns. And they can be a little unforgiving when teased with lizard, or spider, or snake. When Jon got older, the two boys became "buds".

That summer after Jon was born my hubby was transferred back to Hughes Company home base in Los Angeles. He was still in the field engineering department but now he was made the technical advisor for all field engineers. If any of them had technical problems or questions, Jim was the contact to solve them. The move meant we would have to sell the house and make a trip to L.A. to find a new place to live. Even though Jon was still nursing, we decided to say a prayer, take a one-day flight to Huntington Beach, the city we had decided would be a good place to live even though it meant a 35 mile commute for Jim to his office near the Los Angeles Airport. At that time Huntington Beach was a developing beach community away from the busy, congested city ... a nice place to relocate our family.

We divided our six children, including baby Jon, among willing friends and headed for L.A.

We knew we had only one day to find a place to live, and thanks to answered prayers, we did.

It was a three bedroom house on a quiet cul-de-sac, a rock's through from both the elementary and middle schools, and only five miles from the beach. PERFECT!!! We headed back to Novato late that same afternoon, arriving home that evening. Having been gone all day, I was miserable. Any of you that have nursed a baby know what I mean. But we had accomplished what we set out to do, and now for the jobs of selling the house and packing up.

We were unable to sell the house, so we had to rent it out ... not something that we really wanted to do. We had heard horror stories of what renters can do to a home, and in our case those stories became our personal experience. We made the mistake of renting to a couple who had a dog, a big dog. They assured us that he was an "outside" dog only and I was naive enough to believe them. I have always been a very trusting person, and even though I have been bitten a few times I still prefer to think the best of people. And more times than not, I'm not disappointed. More about this later.

It was hard to leave Novato. We, as well as the children, had made lots of good friends and had felt so at home. This was where most of our older children began school. This was where we had purchased our first home, this was where we had established some important family practices ... Family Home Evening, Advent, and taking time to appreciate nature. This was where Prince became a part of our family, where we helped build a new temple and expand a meetinghouse, and this was where our miracle son was born. But we knew that more valuable experiences lay ahead of us. It really doesn't matter where you live in this life. It's a matter of living a good life, and doing whatever the Lord has in mind for you at the time. I knew what the Lord expected of me, "to raise and exemplary family", and I could work at that no matter where we lived.

Easter Reflections

Today is Easter Sunday ... a day of feeling love and appreciation for our beloved Savior and His great sacrifice for me and all of His children. And today has been a day of reflection for me regarding my own life. Have I adequately shown my love and gratitude to Him by the life I live each day? Have I sacrificed enough? Served enough? Do I love all of His children enough? Am I obedient to His commandments and do I follow the counsel of His chosen church leaders with exactness? I'm afraid I fall way short of my potential. I think most of us do. But tonight as I lie in bed I will be making new commitments and setting new goals to do better in areas that I know I am weak.

Today was also the general conference of the church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) which we were able to watch at home on the television. I kind of missed going to church at first. Church is where everyone goes on Easter. Right? But it didn't take long for me to feel a wonderful spiritual feeling right here in my own home as I listened to apostles, and prophets bear testimony of the atonement and resurrection and to give us great messages of love, hope, and peace. The messages of these chosen leaders of Christ's church have helped me to realize how blessed I am and how important it is for all of us to become more Christlike in our thoughts and actions. I also felt impressed by the warnings and counsel given, especially to parents, concerning the dangers and challenges of raising children in today's world, and how important it is that continual teaching of the gospel, love of the Savior, and power of the Holy Ghost go on in our homes. That is what will save our children. I could only hope and pray that all of the young parents in my family were listening and will follow that counsel. It is not only important, it is critical!

As you can tell by the previous few paragraphs, the last time I wrote on this blog was on Easter, almost a month ago. There was even a greater "dry spell" before that as my computer was "down" and had to be repaired. Thanks to Carrie, my youngest daughter, it was able to be repaired rather than be replaced as I initially was told. I can't remember why I never completed the blog that I started on Easter (I have to blame that on getting old), but I know that this last month as been very busy for me with Young Women activities. Because our YW president's mother passed away, a counselor was called to teach seminary, and the other counselor just had a new baby, I had to fill a bunch of slots all at once. What I did would have been a piece of cake for most of you "young'uns", but for me it was a challenge. I just don't have the energy that I used to have, and that is so frustrating. Our youth went on a pioneer trek this weekend for youth conference and I have been helping with costumes for all of the girls this week. We helped them all make bonnets and aprons. They will be coming home tonight.

I am sorry to have gotten so far behind in writing, and I know that have been kind of rambling on now. I promise to get back to my story this week ... well, maybe next week as I am going to Washington this week to visit my son and his family. This son is Jon, my "miracle baby", who is now forty "something", married, and the father of four children. When I return to my story again, I will have more miracles to tell.